


BadForMe

by itsthemoralityofit



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Gay Sex, M/M, Mild Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 02:56:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17841098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthemoralityofit/pseuds/itsthemoralityofit
Summary: I think I know that you're bad for me-The Maine





	1. i never want to be a distraction

**Author's Note:**

> Titles from the song Bad Behaviour by The Maine.

‘Come here,’ a husky voice says. 

Liam instantly stops stepping into his jeans and drops them in a heap on the floor. 

‘You sure you have to go?’ that voice is like honey in Liam’s ear and Liam allows himself to be coaxed gently into thick, muscular, tanned arms that hold him just right. He relaxes into warm sheets that smell like him and his lover and he closes his eyes without meaning to. 

‘I have class,’ Liam says in a higher pitch than it was meant to be.

‘I’m more interesting than micro economics aren’t I?’ 

Liam closes his eyes and smiles when Theo rolls him onto his back, mouthing kisses into the line of his neck. It’s the soft, warm wetness of Theo’s mouth, or maybe it’s the fact that Theo remembers what class Liam has on Tuesdays. Maybe it’s how Theo has his wrists pressed gently against the mattress and is now whispering into Liam’s ear how beautiful he is, how Theo can’t help wanting him one more time before they part ways - and that isn’t too much to ask, is it? Just one more? And Liam beams like sunshine, entire body rushing and prickling and pulsating because they just finished an hour ago but he’s ready. He’s always ready for Theo. 

A chuckle leaves Theo when Liam wraps his legs around him just as he’s about to pull away and Liam tries not to frown.

‘Where are you going?’ he asks, tone coming out a little petulant and making him wince.

‘To get the lube baby, you dropped it somewhere, remember?’ comes the easy, smiling answer, and Liam smiles at being Theo’s baby, and he winds his arms around the man’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss that tastes like desire and contentment and adoration. 

‘You don’t need to go anywhere,’ Liam mumbles. Theo’s lips brush against his, just barely touching, and the almost-contact makes him dizzy. ‘I’m slick enough from last time.’

Strong, muscled arms wrap around the boy’s waist and he moans at the insistent pressure of his lover’s mouth sucking a deep mark into his skin. He has desperately been wanting Theo to mark him for the longest time now, to put violet and maroon hickeys on every inch of his skin, but he would never have asked for it. ‘Says you,’ the twenty-four-year old mutters into Liam’s neck. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

Those are the words that make Liam’s eyes flutter shut in ecstasy and he smiles as he lets Theo go, watches him with that dopey smile as Theo’s muscled abdomen ripples and twists while he looks for the bottle Liam tossed aside not 50 minutes ago. 

When Theo enters him for the third time that day Liam moans not because it feels good - it does, of course it does - he moans because it feels right. Like there is nothing more natural than the two of them connecting like this. There is hot, moist breath in Liam’s ear as his lover plows into him and he grips Theo’s flanks so hard he’s afraid they’ll bruise - he can’t help it, all he wants is to be closer. Closer. Closer, damnit, and now his legs are wrapped around Theo’s waist and Theo’s face is buried in his neck, teeth biting down on the sinews of his neck to make Liam cry out. The words are on the tip of Liam’s tongue but before he can vomit them into the air Theo’s mouth is on his, kissing and swallowing them down and Liam doesn’t mind. Just because he has never said it doesn’t make it less true. 

Theo comes, Liam doesn’t. Liam doesn’t always come - his wonderment is in watching Theo. His pretty pink lips parting, open wide as he yells out, cheeks flushed, brow furrowed in what looks like pain and sounds like ecstasy. Liam replays him over and over again when he’s alone, painting his nails at night. 

‘You missed your class?’ Theo asks after a little while, as if he’s not the reason Liam missed it. He’s standing by the bedside table, phone in hand. He hasn’t looked at it yet, his beautiful eyes are raking over Liam instead and perhaps it should make the teenager feel self conscious but it just makes him feel like an oil painting. It’s the gleam in Theo’s eyes, the softness there.

‘Yeah,’ Liam grins. He sits up and shrugs. ‘Worth it.’

There is a small smirk on Theo’s face that Liam could lick off, but it withers and disappears once his eyes begin skittering across his phone screen. Something is up. Something is always up, and it’s always something that rips the smile from Theo’s face no matter how great a day they’re having together. Now Liam has learnt to cautiously hate that phone. Cautiously because he knows never to ask what’s the matter, who’s texting, what’s going on, why Liam has to go right now, why Theo has to leave immediately. He asked once, in the early days. Theo then disappeared for a month before resurfacing and gently commanding Liam never to ask him about his business again, not even to mention it. And who is Liam to disobey? Not when the request was sealed with a kiss so soft it had Liam’s knees buckling, insides soaring at the fact that Theo was back in his life. 

So Liam learnt. He learnt never to talk while Theo is on the phone, never to question who or what or why, or how Theo spends his time, or how he is able to afford his eagle-eye-view apartment or green Jaguar. He learnt never to ask Theo for things - dates months into the future, attendance at friends’ birthdays, meeting his family. Because each time he’s done that in the past, Theo has disappeared for weeks on end. No text, no phone call. Nothing. And Liam has also learnt that he would rather die than not have Theo Raeken in his life. 

‘Baby I gotta head, you gonna be okay getting back on your own?’ Theo asks without even glancing at Liam. He pulls a tight thermal shirt over his head and Liam watches it fall over his broad back and narrow waist, slightly hypnotised. 

Wordlessly even though he knows Theo can’t see him, Liam nods. He grabs up his clothing and yanks it on as quickly as he can. Just as he scoops his backpack off the floor, hands grab his hips and spin him around. 

‘I love you,’ Theo says roughly before kissing the teenager, and Liam dissolves. Theo has never said the L word before. It leaves the nineteen-year-old speechless, senseless. All he can do is stand there and nod dumbly when Theo releases him and tells him to ‘behave’ in that ridiculously sexy way he has, which is essentially him saying goodbye and is Liam’s cue to leave.

But Liam is still standing there, and he blushes when Theo looks up, brow furrowed.

‘You alright?’ he asks expectantly. 

‘Yeah.’ Liam blushes even harder. When he speaks it comes out strangled. ‘I…I just…I love you too.’

 

A self-satisfied smirk flickers across Theo’s pretty, pretty face and to be honest it’s a miracle someone like Theo could even want a kid like Liam in the first place. Theo Raeken is so beautiful and self-possessed and sure of himself; he does everything with the confidence of someone who knows exactly how gorgeous he is, and exactly how much power he has, and as Liam stands there, beet-red, he feels like an idiot. Like Theo is about to take back what he said earlier, or like Liam just imagined the whole thing.

Theo is not even looking at him, he’s slipping his car key into his back pocket as he says with a grin in his voice, 

‘Yeah I know.’


	2. Unashamed And naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so fucking happy 
> 
> You are all fucking beautiful

There is naked adoration in Liam’s eyes as Theo slings an arm around his shoulders. They slow in their walking as they reach the middle of the sidewalk and a smile creases Theo’s face as he pulls Liam in with the crook of his arm for a patient kiss that leaves Liam pink with joy afterwards. The student’s eyes are shining, and even as they continue walking along he is still turned towards Theo, enraptured and smiling faintly, like he can’t quite believe this is happening. His friends are walking behind them but right now he and Theo are the only two people in the world. 

Corey slips his hand out of Mason’s so he can gently press his fingertips against Mason’s, stroking the skin as they walk. It’s their thing, this fingertip-stroking. It makes them feel closer, more connected than just holding each other’s hands in a vice-like grip. 

‘How long’s this been going on for?’ Corey asks thoughtfully, indicating Liam and Theo with a tilt of his head. 

Mason runs his fingertips along the line of where Corey’s thumb meets forefinger and considers for a minute. ’…Mmm…Eight months?’

‘Eight months? Jeez, and Liam’s still blushing after one little kiss.’

‘Yeah well it’s not like Theo lavishes him with them all the time.’ 

‘Meaning?’ 

But before Mason can tell the entire story of Theo’s infamous disappearing act, the lovebirds have stopped walking and Mason and Corey have closed the gap between the two couples so now they are too close by for him to say what he wants the way he wants, expletives and all. He shoots Corey a look to communicate that he will fill him in later and then says nothing. Just waits.

‘We going food then movie or movie then food?’ Corey asks without missing a beat.

‘Whatever,’ Liam replies with an affable shrug, and he’s already turning to Theo in deference. Whatever Theo says goes, Mason thinks venomously, because Liam doesn’t have a brain when Theo is around.

‘Actually I’m going to have to take a rain check,’ the twenty-four year old interjects, pulling his arm from Liam’s shoulders. 

The sudden stricken look that crosses Liam’s face has Mason grimacing in irritation. 

‘Oh. Okay, sure,’ the blue-eyed boy nods quickly, and if he had any goddamned sense he would ask Theo why the sudden change of plans and why he’s not looking any of them in the eye except Liam, like no one except Liam is standing around waiting on him right now, but Liam says nothing and it makes Mason’s blood simmer beneath his skin. Theo Raeken is an asshole and Liam is a moron. 

The man throws a cursory glance at Mason and Corey before turning to Liam once more. He dips his perfectly styled head and kisses Liam for what seems like an eternity, rubbing his thumbs over the slats of Liam’s cheekbones, sucking and licking into Liam’s mouth as if they’re in their own private room and not the side of the street with two people waiting on them. When Theo pulls off and walks away without a single word to anyone but Liam - ‘Behave’ - Liam simply stands there, eyes glazed over, dazed. His lips are swollen and red, parted in wonder as he watches his lover walk off.

‘So…’ Corey says slowly. ‘Food then movie or…?’

Mason witnesses the process of Liam coming back down to earth and there’s a momentary flicker of abject disappointment and sadness on Liam’s face that Theo has broken yet another promise, before it’s gone completely and replaced with an easy grin that does not quite reach his eyes, and Mason knows from experience that whenever Liam is quiet tonight it’s because of Theo and his disappearing act. 

 

*

 

Liam is morose and unresponsive when Mason talks to him, and Mason knows exactly why. It’s been a week and no word from Theo since he bailed on the night they were all meant to be seeing a movie together. Personally Mason thinks good riddance but it’s marred by how gaunt and drawn Liam looks, how his eyes have lost their gleam. He can’t concentrate on anything and whenever he falls into silence he lapses into this trance-like state and his gaze goes somewhere Mason cannot follow. It’s frightening for all the obvious reasons like how another person should not be able to influence a person’s mood like this, or how no one should ever, ever be allowed to make a person feel like they’ve been continually punched in the stomach all the time just because they said they’d call and they haven’t. But whats scariest of all is how fatalistic Liam becomes whenever this happens, even though this is far from the first time. He keeps asking Mason again and again whether it’s over, if Theo is done with him, if he’ll come back. The answer is yes, of course he will, he always does - and it’s not just something Mason says because Liam is his best friend and he loves him. He says those things because in all the times Theo has ghosted Liam in the past eight months, he has always returned. And every time he returns Mason is filled with an unsettling mix of relief, dread, irritation and desperation because damn it, can’t it just be over? And if it can’t just be over, can’t Theo just treat Liam like a real boyfriend? It’s the secrecy that gets to Mason the most, because really, truly, it’s none of his business if Theo is an asshole just so long as he’s not an asshole to Liam. 

The biggest problem is that nobody actually knows what Theo does with his time. He’s always ‘busy’ or ‘taking care of something’ or disappearing for days or weeks at a time, and Liam doesn’t seem to have the balls to ask where the hell Theo goes or when he’ll be back. At best Theo is married or partnered up and Liam is just his side piece. At worst he’s some kind of criminal working underground. Or, Mason reasons, maybe it’s the other way round. At best the douchebag is a thug, because being some kind of deranged mafia middle manager is a lot better than being a cheater because Mason can imagine Liam crying over the knowledge that Theo has been killed in a shootout but wanting to kill himself if he ever found out Theo was cheating on him.

But every time Mason asks Liam why he doesn’t just delete Theo’s number and forget about him, he doesn’t need someone so wrapped up in himself, someone with so many issues and sensitivities and secrets, Liam just shakes his head. He’s so quick to rationalise every one of Theo’s misdemeanours Mason almost gets whiplash from it. And so he leaves it alone. Snaps in frustration and calls Liam desperate and stupid, and then curls his arms around him and lets him put his stupid feathery-haired head on his shoulder and watches Netflix with him while blue eyes turn glassy and unfocussed and he knows without asking that Liam is yet again wrapped up in all the things he could have done wrong and all the ways Theo could never come back. And Mason finds himself hating Theo more and more. 

 

*

Mason quietens a little in his movements as he puts groceries away, trying to listen to the exchange happening just outside of earshot. He can hear Liam saying something and then thanking the person at the door profusely before the door closes and footsteps pad back towards the kitchen. When Mason turns around he sees an arrangement of sunflowers in Liam’s arms so large they obscure his entire face and shoulders. The blue-eyed boy is smiling when he puts them gently down on the counter and simply stands there, looking at them. His fingers reach out into the purple cellophane wrapper and stroke the delicate gold petals. 

‘Wow,’ Mason comments, nodding. ‘There a note with them?’

Liam shakes his head wordlessly, still smiling. He shrugs in an attempt at casualness that fails spectacularly when he says, ‘they’re from Theo.’

Another nod from the brown-skinned boy. ‘I didn’t realise you liked sunflowers.’

What he really wants to say is, I didn’t realise you were this fucking easy and no wonder he never takes you seriously, no wonder he disappears for weeks on end, because he knows all he has to do is show you a little attention and you forgive everything like a shit-brained moron. He watches his best friend and the boy looks thoughtful, as if he’s considering whether he does actually like them, and Mason tries his damnedest not to grimace the way he wants to. He cannot believe that Liam is this enraptured with a couple of weeds after all those nights sitting catatonic, tears leaking from his eyes while he just sat staring blankly at whatever wall was in front of him. He cannot believe that he cannot believe it either, because sure Liam is obviously never going to learn his lesson but surely Mason should have learnt his by now. Yet he wasted all that time comforting and cajoling and coaxing when all he’d really wanted was to shake Liam by the shoulders and throw him in the trash. 

 

‘It’s because he calls me Sunflower,’ Liam finally mumbles. He is blushing when Mason looks over at him, but he’s not blushing like he’s embarrassed, he’s blushing like he’s dizzy with delight. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and the smile that hasn’t left his face since walking into the kitchen with the bouquet widens as he texts, then he sets the device on the counter and begins peeling back the cellophane as carefully as he can. When he pulls the flowers away from their wrapper a few petals drift onto the countertop and he smiles at them too, looking at them like he’s about to pick each fallen petal up and press them to his lips in devoted kisses. 

Mason can hardly stand to watch. He knows exactly why Theo calls Liam Sunflower, has heard it and seen it for himself, and the knowledge sickens him. 

 

‘Because he likes sunflowers,’ Mason suggests facetiously, tearing his gaze from his best friend long enough to proffer him the best substitute they have for a vase: an old glass wine bottle left over from when Liam’s parents visited for dinner two weeks ago. He fills it with water first and then hands it to Liam for the flowers to go in. ‘Right?’

 

Liam shrugs in response and Mason cannot help himself when he says, ‘or you know. Because you’re the sunflower and he’s the sun.’ He folds his arms and leans back against the sink when Liam turns and looks at him enquiringly. 

Liam cocks an eyebrow but there’s a telltale glint in his eyes and Mason knows he’s not taking him seriously. 

‘I’m the sunflower and he’s the sun,’ the blue eyed boy repeats, smirking.

Mason sighs and tuts and tries to figure out exactly what he wants to say and how best to put it so that Liam stops grinning like a lunatic and starts paying attention. 

‘Well. Yeah. Like...Li, you know you’re crazy about him.’

‘Yeah,’ Liam agrees. There’s no contention, no justifying it. 

‘Like literally, you worship the ground he walks on.’ Liam doesn’t disagree. ‘…And he knows it. And him sending you sunflowers - it’s like this, this, I don’t know, this joke or something he’s got going with himself.’ Mason spreads his palms, imploring his best friend. ‘Do you not see that?’ 

Liam’s face goes from gentle smile to slight grimace and he rolls his eyes. ‘Mase, come on.’

‘No, really, think about it. He’s the sun, you’re the sunflower, and he knows it and he likes it, and he sends you sunflowers like ha ha, look at you worshipping me, in love with me and you don’t even know it, and like the power imbalance and everything…it’s…gross, Li. It’s like he’s enjoying the power he knows he has over you.’

Liam opens his mouth to respond but at that precise moment his phone buzzes on the counter and he reaches for it, grinning helplessly when he sees the name on his screen. He holds his breath without even being aware of it as he reads the message responding to the ‘thank you’ one he sent five minutes ago.

Glad you like them

There are no ‘x’s or cute little emojis blowing hearts or kisses or anything, but it makes Liam warm and flushed all over regardless. The speed with which he responded makes Liam dizzy but he knows better than to message again and try to engage Theo in conversation. For now the flowers are enough. 

He looks up at Mason again, sees disdain in the boy’s bottomless brown eyes. ‘Honestly, Mase, it’s not that deep. They’re just flowers. And…I’m just his sunflower,’ Liam says, and the smile he says it with is nauseating. 

 

Liam plucks a single flower from the makeshift vase and carries it to his room, lays it on the pillow next to the one he sleeps on, and just admires it with a stupid smile on his lips.

‘I’m his sunflower,’ he whispers breathlessly, and the words make him lightheaded.


	3. Void of all composure

Liam furrows his brow as he hunches over his desk. He should really be proofreading his submission for Econ right now but fuck it, it’s 8pm on a Sunday night and he can hear Mason and Corey fucking in the next room over. It’s fine, it’s not like he can hear moaning or anything, it’s just a rhythmic banging of the headboard against Liam’s bedroom wall. Every now and again there’s the sound of smacking like someone’s being spanked and it’s a little gross but mostly funny and it makes Liam grin to himself, pausing in his task.

He licks his lips and refocuses on the little pot of black polish in front of him. His entire room stinks of acetone because he had to wipe off the chipped polish before he could paint on a new layer, and the six fingers he’s rubbed clean are now a little red and sore. It can’t be helped. He takes the applicator and dips it carefully in the polish, spreads his left hand and pokes his tongue out in concentration. Painting his dominant hand is always hard, useless right hand uncoordinated and akimbo, but he always gets there in the end. It’s kind of weird seeing his nails without any kind of colour on them, it’s been so long since he’s started painting them. To be honest he could go either way on the whole thing but he doesn’t do it for himself.

A smile dances on his lips as he thinks of the way Theo rubs his thumbs over Liam’s nails, the way he brings them to his lips and kisses them, licks them. Theo Raeken is the only reason Liam does anything these days.

 

*

 

_Liam adjusted the collar of his Slipknot band t shirt and thrust his hands into his jeans pockets. He felt screamingly out of place. Everyone at this dumb party was in their mid to late twenties and knew each other, had gone to college together and graduated together, or now worked with each other. He was the only teenager here and it was painfully obvious by the way he was dressed - the length of his almost-too-long-to-style-upwards-but-goddamn-it-I’ll-try hair. The tightness of his black jeans. His Vans. He should have gone with the oxford shirt and Mason’s khakis like Mason told him to. No one really gave him a second glance as he passed through with the family friend who’d invited him and he was glad for it; instead they skimmed over him, nodding and slapping Stiles on the back and asking him how the hell he was and who it was that he was apparently babysitting tonight (ha ha). It was not long before Liam ducked out from the hubbub and sought solace in the kitchen, hoping to scout out a quiet place where he could text Mason and beg him to pick him up early. His own car was in the shop and he had agreed with his best friend a 1am pick-up - ambitious to begin with and just plain ridiculous now that he was here._

_Sighing in boredom and uncomfortableness, Liam fished his phone out of his constricted denim pocket and began to type out an SOS, fingers automatically going to his mouth on their way to be suitably chewed to within an inch of their lives. Only at the last moment did he stop, deterred by the black nail polish he had painted on his fingertips for this very purpose. His lip_ _quirked a little in satisfaction - maybe this new method would stop biting his nails for good - and he admired his handiwork for a second. Then he looked up._

_Sitting on top of the washing machine at the far end of the kitchen was the most gorgeous man Liam had ever seen. For a moment Liam opened and closed his mouth without being aware of it. He stared, mesmerised, as the amber glow of a lit cigarette made its way to a blossom-pink mouth that pouted around it and blew smoke like a kiss into the air. Liam watched curls of smoke dance upwards towards the ceiling and begin to dissipate midway through their performance. Then Liam’s eyes collided with the man’s. His breath stopped. There was a moment, a fistful of moments, where the man simply gazed into Liam’s eyes, the barest hint of a smirk playing about his features. Then he cocked his head and with a flicker of his fingers, beckoned Liam over to him._

_Liam went unthinkingly._

_‘Hi,’ he breathed, eyes wide when he finally arrived in front of the man. He was even more spectacular up close, a masterpiece of stubble and styled hair and bottomless eyes and obscenely muscular bulk that strained against a skin-tight black t shirt._

_‘I like your t shirt,’ the man said simply, turning to throw the stub of his cigarette out of the open window behind him. Liam glanced down at himself and blushed._

_‘Thanks,’ he grinned shyly, ‘they’re my favourite band.’_

_He blushed harder when his gaze lifted back up towards the beautiful man’s face and caught on his thighs. They were encased in ripped black jeans that showed off a glorious golden tan and thighs so thick they ached Liam’s jaw with thoughts of biting them. He swallowed._

_‘Tell me your name,’ the man said, and it struck Liam for a second that he had demanded it, not asked. Liam told him anyway_ _and finally, finally the gorgeous man smiled. ‘Liam Dunbar whose favourite band is Slipknot,’ he summed up, tilting his head. It only served to deepen the red of Liam’s cheeks._

_‘Yeah. What’s your name?’_

_‘Theo. Raeken,’ the man said stiltedly, as though he regretted telling it. But then he smirked. ‘My favourite band is not Slipknot. In fact, Slipknot kind of suck.’_

_‘They do not,’ Liam said childishly. He grinned and rubbed a hand over his face in embarrassment. He’d been doing so well. ‘I thought you said you liked my t shirt?’_

_‘Okay, yeah,’ Theo Raeken conceded with a chuckle. ‘I meant I like the way you look in it.’_

_A hand went automatically to the nape of his neck as Liam focussed on breathing. A beautiful man with the most obscenely muscular body was sitting on top of a washing machine flirting with him. At a college-grad party. He begged his cheeks to cool down, skin heated with desire and nerves._

_Without warning Theo Raeken skipped down off the washing machine and stood before Liam for a second just long enough for him to realise that the man was about an inch or two taller than him, before dipping his head and pressing a hard kiss to Liam’s lips. Liam rocked back a little from the impact, brain spinning in surprise. The most gorgeous man he’d ever seen in real life was kissing him. He was being kissed by the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen in real life. Him. Liam. He caught his breath, reeling when Theo pulled away and for a moment he simply stood there, staring at Theo’s pretty pink lips, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now, waiting for Theo to walk away. He didn’t. So Liam leaned in and up a little and captured the man’s perfect mouth in a gentle, cautious kiss nothing like the one bestowed on him. He ran his lips along Theo’s in a whisper of contact, only just catching each soft pillow with his own before pulling away and just waiting. When he opened his eyes he saw Theo’s were still closed. He looked, brow furrowed, lips parted, like…like the core of him had just been dragged out through his mouth. He looked lost and pained and consumed all at once, and Liam panged at the sight. He reached out and took Theo’s face in his hands, stubble bristling against his fingers as he lined their black-polished tips against the man’s jaw and kissed him again as gently as he knew how. He let his tongue glide along the seam of Theo’s lips and they parted instantly as Theo’s arms went around his waist and held him closer than he had been held before. Then the fingers on his hips began to press urgently into his skin and his breath stuttered in his lungs as Theo licked into his mouth and forcefully started to suck his lower lip._

_‘You wanna go upstairs?’ Theo asked against Liam’s mouth, and the nineteen year old could only nod, speechless with desire and the realisation that this was really happening._

_They kissed once more before Theo took him by the wrist and led him through the house, banging on each closed door, flinging each one open and exposing couples in every stage of copulation or emotional distress. Liam’s heart began to sink; without a room free there would be no way they could sleep with each other tonight. His cock was painfully erect in his jeans, balls aching with want as he stood there in the upstairs hallway, just looking at Theo with wide eyes that asked, what now?_

_The answer was Theo pushing him against the wall and attacking his neck and shoulders with teeth and lips and tongue and making him pant and sigh with need. Rough, calloused palms ran along the skin under his t shirt and Liam brought his hands up to trace the firm swell of Theo’s magnificent chest. Liam had always been a sucker for pecs like these, the kind that filled your palm and sprang up beneath the_ _pressure of insistent fingers. He nodded without even bothering to really listen to Theo’s offer to fuck right here in the hallway, too gone on the scent of testosterone and cologne and the deep, headiness beneath it that must just be Theo Raeken as he tongued patterns into the curve of Theo’s neck and rutted against the dip of the man’s pelvis. He huffed in surprise as large, strong hands grabbed his hips and turned him around, pushing his chest against the wall as fingers undid his belt buckle and roughly tugged down his pants and jeans to just under the swell of his ass. Theo’s hiss at the sight was audible and had Liam blushing, grateful for the dim light and the veil it placed over his inflamed skin. He whimpered softly at the sensation of hands stroking the line of his ass cheeks, cradling each one in a palm before slipping fingers into the cleft and teasing his rim and taint. He pushed back a little into the touch and placed his forehead against the cool wall, closing his eyes as he heard the unmistakable ‘zzzt’ of a fly being undone. When he pushed back again he was met with a delicious velvet-covered hardness that pressed along the curve of his ass, hands holding the sides._

_‘Got any lube, Slipknot?’ Theo rasped in his ear, and Liam trembled at the hot, moist breath. He nodded, embarrassed. Mason had slipped a sachet of lube and a Trojan into his back pocket before he’d left, making some dumb joke about turning Stiles before the night was out. But with Theo’s breathy chuckle in his ear as he produced the foil sachets, his embarrassment turned to gratitude and he bit into his lower lip as Theo worked lubricant into his hole with gentle, careful fingers._

_‘Hold this,’ the man instructed, taking a fistful of Liam’s t shirt and pressing the fabric into his hand before turning Liam’s face sideways in a craning kiss. A low moan left Theo’s kiss-swollen lips as his hands roamed Liam’s body from chest to cock, making the teenager mewl with desperation. Not once did Theo’s gym-calloused fingers leave Liam’s dick as he pushed slowly into the boy’s ass, not as he just stood there and waited for Liam to adjust, not as he began to thrust into him, one hand on Liam’s hip, panting in the beginning stages of pleasure._

_Liam clutched his t shirt hem as he braced himself with his elbows against the wall, cock head rubbing deliciously against the cool plastering with every hit he took of Theo’s cock. He hadn’t seen it yet but he knew it had to be beautiful, just like the rest of Theo. The man’s thrusts alternated between deep and slow, and shallow and fast, until he steadily began rolling his hips in a way that had Liam gasping and moaning for more. His insides flipped somersaults as Theo continued to stroke him, pleasure prickling within him with every hit to his prostate. He was not going to last, not with Theo’s teeth on his earlobe and neck and his low moans in his ear._

_‘Don’t make me fall for you, Liam Dunbar,’ Theo rasped as he fucked into Liam harder. ‘Else we can’t do this agin.’_

_‘I won’t,’ Liam moaned desperately. He was so close to coming he was ready to promise anything, sign his life away if he had to. ‘I swear.’_

_Theo’s hand moved from the jut of Liam’s pelvis to his slowly tightening testicles, teasing him in rhythm to his increasingly rhythmless thrusts, and his other clasped around Liam’s fingers, pressing the shiny black nails to his mouth in hot, frenzied kisses, putting the tips into his mouth and sucking._

_‘Too fucking late,’ he growled in Liam’s ear, and Liam cried out as he came, clawing at the wall and squeezing his eyes shut as Theo’s cock pulsated inside him, filling him with thick, hot come that matched, shot for shot, what he spilled all over the wall, floor and Theo’s hands._


	4. I like the lips you kiss with

Mason nods his head to the beat, beer swaying in his hand. He swills it before each sip as if it’s fine wine, and his limbs twitch to the rhythm. He feels good. He’s been a little stressed lately what with essays and having two jobs and all, but finally he feels like the tension in his shoulders is finally fading with every swig of beer and every flicker of the strobe light. He closes his eyes against the pink, then purple, then pink, then yellow.

He starts a tiny bit, startled out of his reverie by an elbow to his side. He looks over and sees Corey mouthing something at him that he can’t hear over Miley Cyrus’ ‘We Can’t Stop’ so he just follows his boyfriend's gaze to the raised edges of the dance floor where dozens of people are drinking and watching the dancers, leaning against the waist-high rail. One of those revellers is Liam, made distinct by his crazy, gravity-defying hair and broad yet short build. The teen is singing along to the music with his eyes closed, swaying slowly and nodding to the beat. He must have finished the drink he had in his hand earlier because right now he has both hands on the railing before him. Mason feels a wave of affection for his friend, thinking that really it doesn’t matter that he and Liam are both only children because in actuality they are brothers. 

Then his jaw tightens because he’s just seen why Corey motioned to him. There are a pair of hands on either side of Liam’s on the waist-height rail, a pair of arms on either side of Liam’s torso, crowding the boy. The man to whom those arms and hands belong is smirking cockily as his gaze roams over the dance floor and then occasionally at Liam, as if making sure he is still there. 

Mason feels bile rise to the back of his throat, blood boiling as he watches the pair. He’s angry at the fact that his almost-brother is still carrying on with a known criminal and thug, sure, but what makes him even angrier is the fact that he has told Liam over and over that Theo is bad news, and has already spent more hours than he can count with Liam sobbing on his shoulder asking what he’s done wrong and why Theo won’t call him back when he said he would and Liam can’t work out what he’s done wrong. Because the answer is nothing. Liam never puts a foot wrong with Theo and still the asshole ghosts Liam for days, sometimes weeks, on end, and then reappears like nothing happened. And every time Mason used to ask, because he doesn’t any more - there’s no point, there was never an explanation for why Theo disappeared; just the preoccupied rapture on Liam’s face because whatever he might have done, he’s here now and everything is better. Mason fucking hates Theo Raeken. 

 

The dark-skinned boy folds his arms when he sees Liam take the hands by his and use them to wrap Theo’s arms around his waist without missing a beat, still singing along. Theo’s smirk grows slowly into a soft smile and he closes his eyes as he presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek. He looks besotted. Mason knows he is not. Then he looks away because he cannot bring himself to watch the preceding events that will lead to Liam crying on his shoulder yet again tomorrow afternoon. 

 

Liam beams at the sensation of lips and stubble against his skin, heart rushing in his chest. He closes his eyes for a second, not even to savour the feeling, more just because right now nothing exists but those lips on his face. He wants so badly to play it cool but he can’t, he turns around and puts his arms around Theo’s jaw-droppingly muscular shoulders and cranes up a little for a kiss. When it comes he closes his eyes and pulls Theo even closer. Theo’s lips are so, so soft and warm, Liam has never been kissed like how Theo kisses him. It makes everything stop, dissolving into a spinning nothing. 

‘I really hate clubs,’ Theo mumbles against Liam’s mouth, and the teenager laughs delightedly. He knows Theo hates clubs - he hates anything social or events where lots of people gather - and it makes Liam’s chest bubble over in happiness because yeah, Theo hates clubs but he’s here. For Liam. 

‘I can make it up to you,’ Liam offers, wrestling his beam into a smaller smirk. He bites down on his lower lip and watches Theo’s eyes follow his teeth’s movement. The man has always been a sucker for Liam’s mouth and he uses it to full advantage. 

‘Don’t do that,’ Theo warns, but his tone is soft and imploring. His eyes are even softer. 

Liam pushes himself further into the ripples of Theo’s body and catches those pretty pink lips in a deep kiss. He kisses slowly, making sure to envelop Theo’s mouth with his, pulling off with an agonising tenderness that makes Theo just stand there for a moment, eyes closed, lips parted. A few weeks ago Theo told him that the first time they ever kissed, Theo had simply stood there and the only thing he could think at the time was, fuck this kid can kiss.

From the faraway look on Theo’s face as he slowly opens his eyes Liam can tell the twenty-four year old is thinking that same thought now. Liam adores how transparent Theo always is about the effect Liam has on him. He has never made Liam question the way he feels when they are face to face, never made Liam think he is the only one who has been driven to the brink of insanity with love and want and need. 

‘I have to take care of some things tonight,’ Theo murmurs when his eyes finally open. Their navy blue is colourless in the purple strobe light. 

Whenever he says this, he never tells Liam what he’s doing or where or with whom. And Liam never asks, because he’s not an idiot. He knows when Theo says he needs to ‘take care’ of things he doesn’t mean an elderly granny. Sometimes, panic blossoming in his chest, sweat breaking out from his every pore, Liam lies awake at night thinking of all the things Theo could be taking care of and they all add up the same. He can’t help imagining long hair and huge, limpid eyes and curved hips. Or chiselled biceps and thickly muscled shoulders to match Theo’s own. And then that old fear and pain and desperation grip him and he always, always begins to cry because otherwise the pain in his stomach won’t let up and the lump in his throat will be there, souring the taste in his mouth all day after he wakes up. How he wishes he could be enough. 

Standing there with his arms around the man of his dreams, Liam wants to ask him not to go. Take care of me instead, he wants to say, but he can’t. Even as a joke it could come across needy and clingy and all the bad things that make men like Theo detach and never try again. So he nods once and forces himself to keep smiling as Theo presses tiny kisses to the corner of his jaw. 

‘How about you take tomorrow?’ Theo asks. He always asks like this - he never says ‘let’s spend tomorrow together’; it’s always ‘taking tomorrow,’ or something equally as if Liam’s being booked into an appointment. It used to bother him at first but now he’s come to understand that it’s pretty apt because when Theo Raeken gives you his tomorrow, he gives you his entire day; no phone calls, no texts. He doesn’t even glance at the time, phone face down on his bedroom dresser or on silent in his pocket. Liam loves being Theo’s all-day appointment. 

‘Depends what you have planned,’ Liam replies joyfully. 

‘Whatever you want, Sunflower.’ The nickname makes Liam’s stomach swoop with total, complete happiness and he closes his eyes as Theo takes his fingers and presses kisses to each black-nail-polished fingertip before ending with a warm kiss to the teenager’s palm. It steals all breath from his lungs and leaves him light-headed. Suddenly all the effort Liam goes to every week, bedroom stinking of acetone, is worth it. ’Have I ever told you how much I like your nails?’

‘Once or twice,’ Liam smirks. It’s their running joke. ‘Well…my friends are kinda doing a thing tomorrow and I said I’d hang out with them ‘cause Corey’s back down this weekend…You could hang out with us? If you want…?’ 

Liam holds his breath without even being aware when he sees a half-irritated, half-amused expression cross Theo’s features. He has never had much patience for Liam’s friends, preferring to just spend time the two of them, but Liam can’t bail tomorrow, not when he promised three times with his fingers crossing his chest in an ‘X’. But he’s scared Theo will shake his head in disdain and tell Liam he’ll see him some other time, and he’s shitting himself that the ‘some other time’ will never come and Theo will be done with him and his teenage idiocy. 

‘So let me get this straight,’ Theo drawls, putting his lips to Liam’s earlobe. ‘You drag me to this dumbass club -’ he kisses the joining where lobe meets skin ‘and say you’ll make it up to me…’ a tongue flickering just behind Liam’s ear, making the college student moan softly. He has always been such a sucker for Theo’s tongue. ‘…and somehow that turns into me…’ teeth pulling at the fleshy roundness of an earlobe. ‘…Hanging out with your preteen friends…’

Liam laughs and pulls away a little to look at the man he’s in love with. ‘If they’re preteens then what does that make me? We’re all the same age.’

‘Well,’ Theo smirks, gripping Liam’s hips. ‘You’re a preteen too, but you’re gorgeous so I tolerate you.’ 

The college student grins and rolls his eyes at the backhanded compliment but inside he’s fizzing. Nothing feels better than this; the glow of Theo’s eyes, the attention, the clear affection in the quirk of the man’s lips as he watches Liam bounce a little to the beat. But then the glow fades and the perfection of this moment is marred by the way Theo grimaces in irritation and pulls out his phone. It’s only out for a split second but it’s obvious from the skitter of Theo’s eyes on the screen and the set of his jaw afterwards that he needs to leave and take care of that something he mentioned earlier. 

‘Tomorrow?’ the twenty-four year old asks, eyes trained on Liam’s. They’re so intense and gorgeous and Liam finds himself nodding hypnotically. And it’s okay if it makes Liam look brainless because now Theo smiles and pulls the boy’s face towards him with his fingers and kisses him gently. ‘I love you, baby.’

‘I love you too,’ Liam whispers, awestruck. The music is too loud for Theo to have heard him but Liam knows he saw the outline of the words on Liam’s lips and as the nineteen year old watches his lover leave without a single glance backwards, he is still aglow with those words he never gets to hear enough. The sound of Theo’s declaration plays over and over in Liam’s head and he just stands there amid the revellers, smiling drunkenly and thinking that he will never, for as long as he lives, love anyone the way he loves Theo Raeken.


	5. I’m in danger

 

Liam babbles a little on the way home, Mason and Corey on either side of him as they walk. He’s not even particularly drunk, he’s just…well. Feeling inflated and euphoric on love is a kind of drunk isn’t it? And if it is, Liam is positively wasted on rippling muscle and ocean-blue eyes that go almond-shaped when they sit on top of a smile. The teenager can feel his mouth running away from him but he doesn’t mind, his only audience are people who love him and will only ever roll their eyes behind his back. So the words trip merrily from his mouth and he shoves his hands into his pocket, shoulders hunched as he beams.

‘…tomorrow,’ he gabbles. ‘I don’t even know what he has planned but that’s the thing about him, you know? He’s so spontaneous and unpredictable - but in a good way. Like he just knows how to sweep me off my feet. That sounds cheesy, but it’s not cheesy when he does it. Last week he took me on a helicopter ride over the whole coast. A helicopter ride! I know I already told you guys about it but…’

That helicopter ride was the best thing Liam has ever experienced. Before it, he never really gave any thought as to whether it was something he’d want to do, but when Theo turned up with a smile and the keys to their very own helicopter for the day, he could not have envisioned a better time. They soared across the sky for about two hours but Liam, hand on heart, would swear on everything it felt like two minutes, because every little bit of time he has with Theo always feels like it’s over in the blink of an eye. Sometimes he finds himself petrified, refusing to look at the time because he is shit-scared it’ll be time to go.   
After Theo gave the keys back to the owner they went for dinner and Theo spent half an hour trying to convince Liam to choose somewhere fancy, somewhere expensive, or at least somewhere far out that they could drive to that neither have been to before, but Liam chose the local pizza place. He loves the pizza place because of the dimly lit booths and the waitresses who always assume you want bottomless soda, they never ask. What he loves even more is the confused amusement on Theo’s face each time Liam chooses somewhere cheap and local to eat, like he can’t work out why Liam is not taking up his offer of the world on a plate. It’s as if he doesn’t know that Liam’s only world is the one sitting beside him in that dimly lit booth, licking tomato sauce from Liam’s fingers. And after dinner when they went out for ice cream that only Liam ate because Theo doesn’t have a sweet tooth, they stood there on the sidewalk while Theo kissed the sweetness from Liam’s lips.

His kiss from earlier tonight is still warm on Liam’s lips even though it has been hours and the student’s face flushes at the thought of being Theo’s all day appointment tomorrow. He’s hoping they’ll spend the day at Theo’s impossible modern, sleek apartment - maybe they can bake cookies or watch Netflix and then make love for hours at a time; lie there afterwards tracing the contours of each other’s faces and bodies for when they’re alone later on with only the knowledge of each other to keep them warm.

‘…I’d like to start a series with him,’ Liam says, speaking of tomorrow and his hopes. ‘But at the moment we can’t even get through a movie without getting distracted in the first fifteen minutes -’

‘Trust me you’ll get over that soon,’ Mason says stonily, and Liam glances at him, then ignores him completely.

He opens his mouth to counter, but stops when they turn the corner and see the flashing blue glow of a cop car eight feet down.

‘Shit I hope no one’s hurt,’ Corey mumbles. Without a single word in conference, the trio move travel down the street towards where the car is parked.

‘No ambulances,’ Mason supplies. ‘Probably just a drug bust.’

‘Still exciting for Beacon Hills,’ Liam grins, and his friends chuckle in agreement.

  
As they inch closer they come across a small crowd of residents and revellers alike, standing and peering icon the action. There are two cop cars but only one has its lights still on, and four policemen stand around. Two are just standing there with their hands on their hips, one is writing notes in a little black notepad. Another has the perp bent over the hood of the car with his hands behind his back. The policeman is cuffing him and pulling him up roughly before slamming him back down on the hood a couple of times.   
Liam watches in amusement, thoroughly entertained. He never gets to see this kind of thing in real life. It’ll make one hell of a story in his economics class on Monday. He folds his arms across his chest, fingertips running over the smoothness of his nail polish as he stands and watches.

The police officer pulls the perp up for the final time and turns him around so that he can get him into the car. They take a few steps forward and when the man in cuffs looks up, Liam’s heart stops.

As Theo registers just who is watching him Liam witnesses his lips part, chest rise with a sudden intake of breath. His eyes are pleading, face soft. Liam knows he cannot say anything - anything he says will incriminate himself and Liam and maybe even Mason and Corey. What Liam wants more than anything is to shout out Theo’s name, scream at the police officer to let him go, they’ve got the wrong guy. But he doesn’t. He just unfolds his arms and lets them go limp at his sides, confused and scared with his heart in his mouth and stomach in his bowels.

Liam is numb and shaking when he and Mason get home. There are no words left to say and his insides are shreds with worry and indignation. He doesn’t need to know what charges they’ve got his lover on, all he knows is that they’re false. Theo would never hurt anyone, would never do anything dirty or bad. And if he ever did, it would be because he couldn’t help it, he would be forced into it.

Liam rubs a hand roughly over his face and lets out a sigh that came from his belly. He is exhausted.

‘Li…do you believe me now?’ Mason says. When Liam looks up, his best friend’s eyes are concerned and heavy. ‘I mean…we just saw him get arrested and taken away in the back of a police car.’

Liam’s lips twist and he sets his jaw resolutely. His arms fold defensively but he says nothing. He knows full well how often Mason has said that Theo is no good, that he’s embroiled in something illegal, something sinister. He’s listed in the past everything from pimping and human trafficking to taking out mafia-style hits on people and selling pot on street corners. He is wrong.

‘Not everyone who gets arrested gets convicted,’ Liam bites out, ‘and not everyone who gets arrested is guilty. It’s just mistaken identity or something.’

There is a moment where Masons’s face goes from incredulous to confused and then settles into disdain. He shrugs. ‘Whatever, Liam.’

And without another word he leaves the room. Liam stands there in the hallway, listening to Mason’s footsteps as they head up the stairs and into his bedroom along the upper landing. Suddenly Liam’s chest heaves with loneliness and he wishes he could call Mason back down to just sit with him a while. He knows if he does Mason will, even if it is 4am. But as lonely as he is, he doesn’t want to hear any more about Theo. He’s too wired, too sick with nerves to sit and defend him all night.

And so Liam swallows his loneliness and heads up the stairs so he can fling himself onto his bed and lie there. He doesn’t brush his teeth, doesn’t even bother to remove his shoes and jeans. Without Theo there is no point in either.

His fingers itch to text him but he knows they’ve taken Theo’s phone while they question him. He has no idea where they’ve taken him or how long they’ll be questioning. He has no idea how long they’ll decide to detain him after questioning. In that moment the realisation hits him that if Theo is taken to prison, or even if he dies, Liam has no way of finding out if Theo doesn’t tell him, himself.

It is this thought that makes Liam weep until he falls asleep.

 

***

 

Liam jerks awake. He is unsure what woke him but he sits up and rubs his eyes. The sky is light out and he recalls dimly what time he went to bed last night, figuring it for maybe 10am. His mouth tastes like sewage. He kicks his shoes off and puts light fingertips to his eyes to attempt to soothe them. They are sore from his tears.

Brow furrowed against the harsh light he is about to emit into his face, he grabs up his phone and stabs the middle button with a thumb to check the time.

**Theo Raeken:**   
_baby are you okay? I’m…_

Liam sits bolt upright, heart racing in his chest. His fingers tremble as they slide across the screen to open the message and he cusses out loud when he types the wrong passcode in twice. Finally the message comes into view and he grabs at his hair as he reads, barely able to comprehend the text in his anxiety and relief.

**Theo Raeken:**   
_baby are you okay? I’m so sorry you had to see that_

Liam’s mind races. He has so many questions - what did they arrest him for? How long ago did they let him go? Who picked him up? Where is he now? But he takes a breath and pushes those questions away. He knows he won’t get any answers and after last night he cannot bear the thought of Theo disappearing again.

 _I’m okay…are you?_ he types out and sends.

The reply comes two hours later, but Liam knows to be thankful it came at all.

_Yeah fine_

And that’s all. Liam stares at the screen. He doesn’t see or hear from Theo again for another fifteen days.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls!
> 
> As ever, thank you for your hits and comments and kudos. I don’t reply to comments much because character flaw but I do read them and adore them and remember them whenever I need motivation!
> 
> Right now I need your help....I’d really appreciate if you could comment to let me know your favourite chocolate that you’d find in a selection box in as much detail as you’d like. (Mysterious, I know, but all will become apparent very soon)
> 
> Thanks! <3 xx


	6. I don’t have time for your feelings

‘Hey.’

Liam looks up at the voice. Shifts his backpack a little. There is a sea of college students around him, walking swiftly to their next lectures or home to begin their essays, but in that moment not a single one of them exists. There is only a beautiful, chiselled man leaning against the driver’s door of a tinted black Jag. Liam wonders briefly what happened to the green Jag from last time, before his brain short circuits as it realises exactly who is standing there with their hands in their pockets, head cocked, smiling slightly. 

‘Theo,’ Liam breathes. He is powerless to stop the dopey smile spreading on his face as he walks over, just short of running. When he approaches Theo’s hands come out of their pockets and clasp around Liam’s face. He is met with a kiss that turns him weak with that specific type of happiness that is so profound it is almost sad. 

‘I missed you, Sunflower,’ Theo smiles, speaking Liam’s thoughts. He takes Liam’s backpack without a word and drops it lightly to the ground so he can put his arms around the teen’s waist. Liam leans into the chest he has been dreaming of, tilts his head for a gentle brush of their lips. ‘Let me take you out.’

‘Okay,’ Liam nods automatically. Then he frowns and shakes his head, groans. ‘I can’t. I promised I’d hang with Mason and some others.’ He hangs his head, mind ticking over with ways to get out of it. He can’t. The whole reason they’re having Brett and Nolan and Jiang over is because it’s a ‘sorry your boyfriend got arrested and then let go and is now ignoring you’ party. He is the main person. Then, with a boldness that has never quite made it past his lips before, he offers, ‘you could hang with us though? I…you said you wanted to, at the club the other night…’

Liam colours because the night at the club when Theo agreed to hang out with his friends was the same night Liam watched him get arrested. He holds his breath at the sight of Theo’s unimpressed, sceptical gaze. 

‘I didn’t say I wanted to hang out with them,’ the man replies bluntly, ‘I said I would make it up to you by hanging out with them. There’s a difference.’

Liam nods slowly, numbly. He begins to unwind his arms from around Theo’s torso, recognising this as the part of the conversation where Theo tells him he will see him later, but then fingers play in his hair and an arm goes around his hips. 

‘So,’ Theo sighs. ‘What’s the plan?’

‘You’re coming?’ Liam says suddenly, realisation dawning. At the reluctant nod of Theo’s head he beams and grabs the man, brings him in for an open-mouthed kiss filled with joy. 

 

***

 

Liam fizzes. He is a human-sized soda can as he leads Theo around the house by the hand. Theo has never been here before, and sure it’s a little gross and student-y but the important thing is that he is here. Liam leads his love round the living room, into the kitchen where Mason presents them with a half-assed wave, past the closed bathroom door where Corey is taking a leak, up the stairs to where Liam sleeps.

‘This is my room,’ he says, a little embarrassed. It’s messy because he wasn’t expecting company, and because it always gets messy whenever Theo disappears because Liam always just stops when Theo disappears. Stops functioning. He forgets to eat, neglects to bathe. Laundry doesn’t get piled up in a forgotten corner - right now it’s scattered along the floor. His bed currently has no sheets on it because he started to change them yesterday and then abandoned the attempt because without Theo, what is the point in anything? 

But now Theo is back and Liam looks at him warily. He knows Theo would never say anything disdainful about his room or his life - or him in general - but he’s waiting for a telltale flicker of disgust or disinterest or dis-something. It doesn’t come. Instead Theo grabs Liam and pins him against his closed bedroom door, kissing him slowly. 

‘I like your room,’ he mumbles against the teenager’s lips. 

‘Thanks,’ Liam breathes dumbly. 

‘I think I should fuck you in it.’

A moan tears through Liam at the thought and he pulls at Theo’s stupidly tight t shirt, desperate to get his hands on the muscled chest beneath as hands grip his jeans waistband.

And then the doorbell chimes. 

Liam grins, half irritated, half amused. He hangs his head, resting it on Theo’s shoulder.

‘Come on, that’s Jiang and the guys,’ he sighs, but he doesn’t make the effort to move. Instead he allows Theo to keep kissing his neck, arms winding tighter around his waist. ‘Theo.’

‘We can finish up first.’

Liam laughs despite himself. ‘We can’t finish up, we haven’t even started!’ He looks up and sees Theo half-smirking, half-grimacing, and he puts a kiss to the man’s lips. ‘Come on, they’re cool, I promise.’ 

And they are. Liam introduces them to Theo and they come forward and Jiang even shakes Theo’s hand. Brett saunters off to grab some beers out of the fridge while the others argue over pizza toppings and crazy bread, and the whole time Liam cannot stop smiling to himself because right now he is surrounded by all the people he loves, and it’s the best thing in the world. 

 

 

‘So, how are things?’ Mason asks awkwardly when they all sit around the dining table, dealing cards and pizza slices. He means since Theo’s arrest but he’s not about to bring that up right now - not when Liam looks like he’s on freaking cloud nine. 

‘Fine,’ Theo responds. His tone is terse and he doesn’t even look up at Mason when he speaks. But Mason lets it go. He knows Theo Raeken is an asshole, he doesn’t need to hang on to this little titbit of proof. 

‘What is it you do, Theo?’ Jiang asks with a genial smile. He elbows Liam as he says, ‘this guy never shuts up about you but he never told us what you actually do.’

‘I don’t never shut about him,’ Liam blushes.

There is a pause and the group waits expectantly for a response but it’s slow in its coming and slower as it leaves Theo’s mouth. He takes a sip of cola and sets it down, barely glances at Jiang as he says shortly, 

‘I run a small business.’

‘Buying and selling?’ Jiang prods helpfully. The wide smile has not left his symmetrically-paned face and a wave of affection washes over Liam for his friend and the effort that’s being put in. 

‘Sure,’ Theo shrugs. He’s done with the conversation, it’s obvious, and Liam tenses. He has never got further than this when he asked in the past - Theo always either kissed the question from his lips or grew curt, distant, and told him to mind himself. And then came the disappearing act. Liam cannot stand the thought of yet another disappearing act. His hands curl into fists beneath the table and he silently prays that Jiang takes Theo’s hints and shuts up. 

He does, and lets it go. Brett picks it back up, and when he does Liam can see Mason and Corey exchanging glances. 

‘Buying and selling what?’ the blond drawls. His pouty expression of self-satisfaction is one to rival Theo’s own default, only now Theo looks unimpressed, bordering on irritated. 

‘I’ll let you use your imagination,’ he says curtly. 

‘Stolen cars then.’ Brett has an eyebrow quirked and a tiny smirk playing about his lips that betrays that he is jesting, but Liam tenses even further. It’s too soon, too close to Theo’s arrest the other night and the teenager is paralysed with fear. Brett’s style is arrogant and mocking if you don’t know him, arrogant and tolerable if you do, but Theo doesn’t. He doesn’t know that Brett punched someone in their lacrosse team for making fun of Theo’s arrest when Liam wasn’t even there to hear it. He doesn’t know that Brett is the one who calls Liam every Friday to ask if ‘everything is okay’ and ‘does he want to come out with Brett and the guys’ because Mason almost certainly has texted Brett to say everything is definitely not okay and Liam would benefit from going out with Brett and the guys. 

‘Excuse me?’ Theo says softly. Liam’s heart jumps into his mouth. He knows that tone. The soft, dangerous one that says Theo is about to get up and leave and never come back. Or hit someone. Liam cannot decide which would be worse. 

‘No Brett that’s your mom,’ Corey suddenly interjects and Jiang laughs a little too wildly, a little too quickly. 

There is a split second, then Liam watches the eye contact break between his lover and his friend. His heart thrums in his eardrums. 

 

***

 

‘Is everything…okay?’ 

‘Fine,’ Theo replies shortly, eyes glancing up from his phone. The response has Liam’s heart somersaulting against the limits of his sternum. After the incident with Brett the night passed pretty much without incident but now as he stands in his kitchen, Liam is nervous, twisting his fingers into a sweaty tangled mess. He is expecting Theo to be terse, to leave without so much as a kiss and not to return for days, weeks, ever. The teenager cannot stop replaying in his head the interaction between Theo and Brett, and the tension between all of them afterwards. The rest of night was spent in almost total silence, with Theo’s arms folded across his chest, as if totally refusing to participate, and when the guys left, Jiang apologised low in Liam’s ear…but even now as he stands here, Liam cannot figure out what Jiang could have been apologising for. The guys were on their best behaviour, welcoming and friendly. It dawns on Liam that Theo didn’t even say hello when the boys poured into the room with ‘hey’s and high fives. And for the first time ever the swirling ‘thunk’ of Liam’s heart hitting his stomach that usually accompanies thoughts of Theo isn’t fear. It’s hurt. 

But then Theo leans back in his seat and looks at Liam properly, a tiny smile playing about his pretty pink lips. He locks his phone and pushes it away on the dining table and gestures to Liam to come closer. So the boy goes over on jelly legs and perches as carefully as he can on Theo’s lap, shoulders and back ramrod straight because he can’t bring himself to relax when he’s seeing Theo’s folded arms over and over in his mind’s eye. Folded arms and his mouth either a line of intolerance or a pouted moue of annoyance because…because he didn’t want to be there. And he either couldn’t pretend to want to be there, or just didn’t want to. Liam doesn’t know which is worse. 

 

Theo pulls him in without warning and Liam cannot help himself when he giggles breathlessly as his feet go up in the air and he clutches at Theo’s neck for purchase. ‘Why do you ask?’

But before Liam can respond there are lips on his and a hot tongue in his mouth that makes him forget everything he was just thinking. He is a fool. He has always been Theo’s fool. 

‘I just…’ Liam gathers himself just a bit before another sweet little kiss is pressed to his mouth and undoes it all, robbing all thought from his head. He takes a breath. ’You were quiet tonight, that’s all.’

It results in a grimace and an eye roll from the older man and he puts those impossibly muscled arms around Liam’s waist. ‘Kindergarteners complained, huh?’

‘No,’ Liam says quickly, ‘they just…they asked if you were okay. And I’ll tell them you are.’ 

‘Okay. Now, I was thinking, you want me to fuck you here on the table? Or…we go to your room and I fuck you there? Your choice.’

Before Liam can answer Theo’s lips find his and the man is sucking on his tongue in ways that has Liam hardening in his jeans. But even as fingers nimbly undo his fly and a palm runs gently up his back, beneath his shirt, Liam cannot stop his thoughts. They are racing mercilessly and threatening to trip from his mouth and ruin everything because for the first time ever, it’s beginning to dawn on him that maybe something is wrong. As much as Liam closes his eyes and pushes his soul into this kiss, he keeps seeing behind his eyelids each time Theo has interacted with Mason and Corey. Or, not interacted. In fact, Liam doesn’t think Theo has ever said a complete sentence to his best friend, no matter how many times they’ve come across each other, and tonight was no different…So why did Liam expect anything else tonight with the others?

Like clockwork that old fluttering comes back, just left of his ribs, and panic rises up his lungs like cigarette smoke. 

‘We’re okay, aren’t we?’ Liam mumbles, putting a palm to Theo’s chest in between kisses. He wants to ask if Theo is mad at him but he stops himself. 

‘Better once I get these clothes off you,’ comes the response. Liam’s breath hitches as fingers trace the insides of his thighs - he has always been so sensitive there - and he shakes his head, trying to clear his mind to be able to say what he really needs. 

‘I mean…about the guys. You didn’t mind hanging with my friends tonight?’

Strong, determined hands push and pull Liam until he is no longer sitting on Theo’s lap, he’s straddling it instead. The teen’s eyes flutter shut at kisses and wetness pressed against his throat and Adam’s apple. 

‘I’m not gonna make a habit of it,’ Theo chuckles, and Liam’s eyes snap open. 

‘You don’t like my friends?’ 

There is a flicker of disdain and amusement in Theo’s eyes that somehow hurts Liam but he can’t work out why. 

‘Does it matter?’

‘It does to me. What’s wrong with my friends?’

An eye roll. Arms around Liam’s waist tightening and bringing him back in. ‘Nothing. They’re your friends. Not mine.’

‘Right,’ Liam says slowly, ‘but…they could be your friends too.’

‘No thanks.’

‘Why not?’

Theo sighs into Liam’s neck and Liam leans back to really look at his lover. He knows he is about to hear all the reasons why his friends are inadequate and part of him is afraid because he knows how easily and how well Theo can influence him - it’s more than likely Liam won’t be friends with any of them come morning - but the other part of him is annoyed because. Because Theo doesn’t even know them. He has no idea how many nights Mason has stayed up cradling him while he cried because he thought Theo was mad at him. He doesn’t know that Brett beat the shit out of some guy who said Theo is a low life mafioso wannabe, even though at that point Brett and Theo hadn’t even met yet. And Theo certainly has no clue that tonight was Jiang’s ‘i’m sorry your boyfriend got arrested and also ghosts you regularly to the point where you’re not even sure you can call him your boyfriend but don’t worry we love you anyway man’ party. 

‘I’m not in the market for preschool friendship groups,’ Theo says with an offhand shrug. 

‘You’re not that much older than them. Five years? That’s nothing,’ Liam replies defensively. ‘Besides, I’m the same age as those guys and you hang with me all the time.’ 

‘I also fuck you all the time.’

Liam’s entire being flames and the glands in his throat prickle and lump. ‘So you only tolerate me because you fuck me?’   
As soon as he pushes the words out his heart somersaults in his chest with hurt and fear that he has said something he can’t take back. This feels like the start of an argument. They have never argued before. 

Theo exhales through his nose and Liam can feel the waves of annoyance emanating from him but there are still hands on his waist. They are not arguing. Yet.

‘Liam why is it so important I like your friends?’

‘I - we - They’re good guys!’ Liam gabbles. ‘They’re cool and they’re like family to me and I just…It would have been nice if you, you know, made an effort with them tonight.’

‘I made an effort,’ Theo says curtly. ‘I came, I ate pizza from that two-cent rat-house you love so much, I answered every single time one of your kindergartener bros asked how things - ’ at this point Theo’s fingers come up in air quotes ‘- are going. I watched that idiotic movie. I said bye when they left. I even gave you a choice of where you’d prefer to get dicked tonight. Tell me, sweetheart, what more do you want from me?’

The way Theo says ‘sweetheart’ makes Liam wince and push up off of his lap. It’s venomous and pissed off, like Liam is the one in the wrong. And maybe he is, because he has always known Theo is not the type of person who does the friends-and-family thing, but whenever he is about to let this whole thing go and beg Theo to go upstairs and just end this whole thing and make love for once instead of fuck, all he can see is his friends. The looks they exchanged when they thought Liam wasn’t looking. Confused, offended, upset looks because Theo was being a dick and they were trying their hardest not to acknowledge it, let alone react. And Theo does not care. 

‘You could have been nice,’ Liam pronounces softly. His heart is in his throat, eyes and nose prickling with tears that he is loathe to allow to fall. ‘They were nice to you.’

There is a pause in which Theo just sits there and looks incredulous. Then he shakes his head and stands up, reaching out a hand. He’s still not engaging…He either isn’t taking Liam seriously or he just doesn’t think it’s worth his energy to engage. Both hurt.   
There is a beat in which every little bit of Liam wants to take Theo’s hand and snuggle into his chest and ask him to just make an effort next time, and for Theo to agree and kiss his temple and hold him. Except, that’s the problem. Theo will never agree, and even if he does it will be with disdain and then when it comes down to it, he will be just as rude and abrupt as he has been every time he has been around Liam’s friends. 

‘I’m nice to you,’ Theo says softly. ‘Isn’t that all that matters?’

Liam rocks back a little in shock. In a split second it hits him that all this time, Theo has been right. Yes, that has been all that mattered to him. It’s fucked up and stupid and wrong, and he feels like he’s swaying on the spot from the impact of just realising that…it’s not enough. After all this time, all the tears and sadness and desperation and tiptoeing around Theo and his secrecy…it’s not enough. It’s not enough that it’s sunshine when he’s here if he’s not here all the time, or if he appears and disappears without warning. Or if it seems like he disappears as a form of punishment because Liam has asked too many questions or been too needy. Because what is ‘too needy’ if Theo loves him? How is he supposed to believe that if there are these conditions on their relationship? And is it even a relationship if Liam doesn’t even know what Theo does for a living? 

The words, whether they mean to or not, fall from Liam’s mouth without his conscious consent, and as they punctuate the air Liam watches Theo’s jaw harden and set, his eyes grow cold. There is no coming back from this now, they are about to break up and Liam knows it. There is nothing for it but to continue, and so he does with his chest heaving and every single nerve ending raw and about to implode. He asks again and again what Theo does for a living, why he disappears the way he does, why he never tells Liam a single thing about how he spends his days. Each time he asks he despises himself and wishes to god he could have the words back. But each time Theo deflects and Liam feels himself crumbling because you cannot have a life with someone who does not exist. 

 

‘Let it go, Sunflower,’ Theo says dismissively. It’s exactly this dismissal, the use of that nickname that sparks just the right type of fury within Liam. All he can hear is Mason’s voice telling him that Theo is the sun and Liam is his devoted little sunflower, that Liam is a joke and that Theo is laughing at him. The fact that he can still call Liam by an affectionate moniker is proof positive that this is not affecting him in the slightest when it has Liam in ruins. It’s with this in mind that the nineteen year old spits out, 

‘Fine, it’s not like you’ll ever tell me anything anyway, but while we’re on the subject why exactly do you call me Sunflower?’ Liam is so angry right now he can hear every single thrum of his heartbeat in his ears and he’s hot all over and shaking. It’s like some kind of sick parody of all the times Theo’s had him aflame and trembling in his bed, but he can’t think of that right now. There is bile in the base of his throat but he swallows it down and forces his quaking hands into fists in some kind of semblance of strength. He’s never been angry at Theo like this before, he’s not entirely sure what to do with it but he knows he can’t stop or else he’ll crumble. 

‘What?’

‘Why do you. Call me. Sunflower.’ The words come out slowly, bitten off in rage. 

Theo looks so confused, brow furrowing beautifully. ‘I…It’s…’

‘It’s because you’re the sun, isn’t it.’ The confusion grows on the man’s face and really all Liam wants to do is hold his hands up in surrender, beg Theo to just forget it, start over, go over and kiss that mole on Theo’s lower cheek and cry in apology. He doesn’t. He presses on. ‘You’re the sun and I’m the pathetic little sunflower following you wherever you go. That’s why you sent me those sunflowers, to play some kind of sick inside joke on me you’ve got going with yourself. And I’m so fucking stupid I thought it was because you liked me or you loved me or something -‘ Liam’s voice cracks and then breaks on the last word and the tears prickling at his eyes and nose spill down his cheeks. He wipes them away roughly, as though they are an inconvenience and not the evidence of his heart breaking to pieces for the world to see. For Theo to see. Because even now as he feels himself rip in two, Theo is still his entire universe. ‘- But you don’t ‘cause when you love someone you don’t disappear for weeks at a time, and you don’t just not call when you say you will, and you don’t…you don’t…’ The words are caught in the depth of Liam’s chest, twisting his lungs and punching the breath from them. He can’t talk anymore. There’s nothing left in him to give and everything fucking hurts because he knows this is the last time he’s ever going to look into those beautiful blue-grey eyes. 

Without another word, Liam runs the length of his forearm against his dripping face and turns to leave. The last, stupid, moronic part of him to be crushed is the part that hopes against hope that Theo will call out his name, ask him to wait. He doesn’t. And Liam Dunbar breaks all over again.


	7. Leaving’s overated

Liam’s lips part in surprise. His heart kicks up several notches in his chest and every single cell in his body is quaking right now. A month and three days has passed since he last heard from Theo and he has spent countless nights crying, screaming silent apologies and declarations of hatred for either himself or Theo, he cannot tell anymore. He has had so many parts of him missing in the time that has passed; giant, gaping hollows in his being and he hasn’t known how to fill them. He’s stopped talking - at all. Wandering around like a zombie, Mason has now stopped expecting a reply to his inane chatter and when Mason is not home the silence echoes, bouncing from each wall against Liam’s core. And the waves of loneliness come one after the other. They never stop. They never stop hurting.

Lately he’s been doing a little better. Each day still weighs on him and he is still filled with terror and misery each morning when he realises there are twelve entire hours before him that he must trudge through before he can return to the safety of his bed, but lately the days have been passing a millisecond faster and he can kid himself that it’s not so bad. He has stopped painting his nails on Sunday nights and started biting them again instead. He spits the fragments out and lines them up on whatever surface is near him and Mason can’t tell him off for being gross because his eyes are glazed over and his heart is hurting and anyway, even if he did Liam wouldn’t hear it. He is totally tuned out these days. 

Right now Liam is tuned in. Everything is in too-bright, screaming technicolour, Dolby Digital surround sound, assaulting every one of his senses. His mouth opens and closes and then opens and he just stands there like a moron because this is really happening. This every dream and every fantasy, it’s happening right now. And he can’t quite believe he is awake. 

Anger and fear compete in the base of his belly at the sight before him, but more so than that is the feeling of hurt and missing and the plea that stops just short of leaving his lips because even though he is tired and aching and bruised, this man standing before him can bring him to his knees every single time. There is not a single hello, no smile. Just a question of if he can come in, and Liam lets him. Leads him to the kitchen where the dishes are only half dried. And Liam stands there, against the countertop edge, and waits. 

 

Theo Raeken stands there also, with his arms folded, in the middle of Liam’s student accommodation kitchen. It strikes Liam that this is the first time Theo has ever set foot here of his own free will, and if this was four weeks ago just the knowledge of this huge concession on Theo’s part would be enough. Except it’s not four weeks ago, it’s today, and Liam is standing watching with his arms folded across his chest and nail polish peeling from his last two fingers. He has been telling himself that once the last bit of polish chips off he will be free. His heart tells him otherwise. He can hardly hear over the sound of it in his ears. 

‘Liam,’ Theo says. There is a look of deep thought on his gorgeous face as he unfolds his arms. He sighs heavily. For a moment there is such a sad look on his features that Liam’s insides twist. ‘I…’

Theo never minces his words. Never doesn’t know what to say and how to say it. He is never anything less than totally self-possessed, and Liam should be gratified to see this perfect man lost for words and struggling to articulate himself, but he isn’t. 

‘Liam I call you Sunflower because they’re beautiful and innocent and sweet and they make me happy when I look at them,’ Theo finally says. His voice is soft. ‘They’re everything good about the world. Like you.’ He sighs and Liam feels his chest tighten with joy and regret and the beginnings of tears that he really needs to hold back. He clutches himself tightly so he doesn’t run to Theo like a child. ‘I’m not the sun, there’s no inside joke. I’m just…’ Theo shrugs his bulky, muscled shoulders. ‘…in love. With you.’ 

That’s the final straw. Those words are what pull Liam’s arms from his chest where they are tightly folded and compel him so forcefully that he almost sprints across the room, and his fingers clutch at Theo’s shirt to pull him in so that his arms can go round those beautiful round shoulders and hold the man tighter than he has ever held anyone before. And the entire time he’s whispering, ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I love you, I’m sorry.’

‘I wanted to come sooner,’ Theo murmurs as his arms tighten around Liam’s waist, lips in the boy’s ear. ‘I just had so much shit to take care of.’

‘It’s okay,’ Liam breathes. He closes his eyes and lets Theo slide their faces into a gentle tilt and holds his breath when soft, warm lips meet his. There is familiarity and sweetness and the taste of home, and something bitter. Liam pulls away a little and smiles. ‘You’ve been smoking.’

‘You haven’t been around to distract me,’ the man smirks, and Liam grins before he pulls him in for a deep, slow kiss that leaves them both breathless. 

They are without words as Liam takes his lover by the hand and leads him upstairs, into his bedroom where he has spent so many nights weeping over the man whose arms now curl around his shoulders and waist as they kiss against the door. 

Their clothes fall and make themselves rugs on the hardwood floor, breaths pants and whispers of love and apology. When Theo lays him down Liam clutches at him desperately, starving for contact.

He watches idly as the gorgeous man before him kneels back on his haunches atop the bed and begins to coat his stiff member with lubricant. Then Liam pauses and sits up, reaches a hand out to stroke Theo’s fingernails. They are shiny and black. 

‘Why are you wearing black nail polish?’ he asks, even while he knows the answer. 

Theo’s eyes follow the lines of Liam’s fingers, up his chest and neck, to his wide blue gaze. There is a look in them of haunting and regret that only deepen when Theo’s blossom-pink lips part and he says softly,

‘I missed you.’ 

There is the sensation of free falling, and then hurt and sadness and joy rolled into a single emotion that Liam has never been articulate enough to put a name to, but it makes him pull at Theo, kissing him desperately, holding him close with his legs around that impossibly sculpted waist. His blunt, bitten fingertips dig into pliant flesh as Theo’s cock enters him and makes him gasp at first breach. It has been such a long time since he has been invaded like this and it hurts but he breathes and chants Theo’s name like a prayer and it helps him concentrate just enough to ease the passage of Theo’s dick as it begins to slide out and then back in, in rhythm. Liam lets his eyes flutter shut against the feeling and he gropes blindly for Theo’s hand, taking it from his cock and sliding the tips into his mouth. He slides his tongue around the digits, the nail polish smooth against his hot, wet mouth, and he adores the way it makes Theo groan. It’s almost as though Liam has his mouth around the man’s cock and not just the fingers he has painted in tribute to Liam.

 

‘Tell me you love me,’ Liam moans as each hit to his prostate adds to the rapidly growing pleasure in his core. He closes his eyes and fists one hand in the sheets, one in Theo’s hair. 

‘I love you,’ Theo rasps. His eyes are closed too, brow furrowed with sincerity, and he has his arms around Liam’s body, cradling him as he balances on his knees and elbows and rocks harder and deeper into the boy. 

‘Theo I love you,’ Liam sobs, and he is delirious from the way his cock head is rubbing against the hard panes of Theo’s lower stomach; he is delirious from the fact that Theo came back, that he is here now making love to him, that he is in love with him. ‘I need you, don’t leave me...’ 

Theo cries out when he comes, filling Liam with himself, and the sight of Theo’s face in climax is the most beautiful thing Liam has ever seen. He’s seen it so many times before, he can’t count them all, but right now, it’s like he’s seeing it for the first time. Those blush pink lips are parted in soft groans as his orgasm tapers off, brow furrowed as if in pain, eyes shut tight. The cords of his neck stand out and Liam cannot help but bring his fingers up to trace them gently. Something in the movement switches Theo on again and within an instant he has his hand around Liam’s cock, jerking him until he comes with a high pitched sob.

 

‘I’m no good for you,’ Theo says slowly as they lie there together afterwards. He has Liam’s unpolished fingers by his lips.

Liam says nothing for a while because he knows he cannot disagree. Since they met Theo has turned him into a dysfunctional, insecure wreck. Sometimes he cannot recognise himself. But he pulls his fingers from Theo’s grasp and uses them to trace the man’s jaw.

‘You’re the only one I want,’ Liam whispers.


	8. I will adore you like the roses

‘Hey baby,’ comes a voice sweet like honey through the phone. 

Liam warms from the inside out and he grins, turning away from his roommate to hide his euphoria. ‘Hey,’ he says softly. Theo never calls. 

‘I wanna see you tonight.’

‘I wanna see you too,’ Liam says automatically, then deflates when Mason gestures at him. ‘Oh. I can’t. Corey and Stiles are coming over. Can I see you tomorrow?’

The teenager drums his painted fingertips against the table top, waiting for a change in Theo’s tone. It’s only been a week since they made up. Nothing has ever changed in only a week, that much Liam knows for sure, and he braces himself. He knows Theo is about to tell him he can’t do tomorrow, and hang up without warning. 

‘You could see me tomorrow,’ Theo agrees, ‘but you could also see me tonight. I could come hang with your friends.’

There is a pause in which Liam considers whether he has just experienced a stroke. He runs a hand through his hair and just blinks a while before mumbling, 

‘What?’

‘I know Stiles. I could come hang out.’ His tone is so casual. There is nothing to suggest there has ever been an argument over the way he is around Liam’s friends. 

‘You…’ Liam casts around for the right words. He doesn’t want to bring up their fight now that they’re over it but equally he cannot bear the thought that this could lead to another argument. ‘You don’t have to do that…’

A chuckle, the best sound Liam has ever heard. ‘I want to.’ 

 

And he does. When he arrives he kisses Liam long and slow, says hey to Mason who looks dumbfounded and lost for words. He clasps Stiles’ hand in a casual shake and nods to Corey. And the entire time he has an arm around Liam’s waist, and Liam is a soda can once more. 

*

Stiles and Mason have spoken before. Stiles knows full well the situation with Theo Raeken and baby Dunbar. He’s told Mason about how Theo has always been bad news and how he’s been wrapped up in a lot of things as of late and Stiles is pretty sure it’s stuff like money laundering or drugs or fraud or maybe even shit like taking hits out on people...But even Stiles has to concede that he has never seen Theo this consumed before. The guy looks at Liam like he holds the entire universe in his eyes, like everything he says is important and everything he does is poetry. 

They sit around and eat pizza and then go into the living room to watch a movie. Corey and Mason take the loveseat in a way that is totally fitting for the besotted couple. Stiles sprawls out in the one armchair that no one really sits in because it’s at an awkward angle facing the adjacent wall and not the tv and Liam simply plops himself down on the floor with his back against the side of the armchair. 

Theo just stands there and Stiles opens his mouth, about to stand up and offer his seat, but then he watches Theo plant a foot either side of Liam and nudge the boy’s hip with the edge of his sneaker. 

‘Move forward,’ the man instructs and Liam does obediently, and without another word or a moment of consideration Theo seats himself on the floor with his legs on either side of the teenager. 

His arms go around Liam’s chest and waist and he presses a soft kiss to the boy’s neck, making him turn in delight and beam. It is in this moment that Stiles can see exactly what Mason meant: Liam does indeed look at Theo like he is the sun. Except what Stiles is also able to see that Mason can’t, is the way Theo looks at Liam and Theo might be the sun but there is no sun without the universe, and Liam is his universe. It’s obvious in the way he keeps closing his eyes and rubbing his lips against Liam’s hair, occasionally burying his face in the boy’s back and emerging with a dreamy expression on his face, with no idea of how Liam is smiling absently the entire time, face pink with joy. Liam’s arms are clasped around the ones Theo has around him as though keeping them in place, and Stiles counts three times in the first half of the movie that Theo takes Liam’s polished fingers and presses kisses to them, smiling the entire time. At one point Theo puts one of Liam’s fingertips in his mouth and the teenager turns around to whisper something to make them both laugh softly and then kiss, Theo’s palm cradling his lover’s face. 

‘Get a room,’ Stiles finally drawls, and rolls his eyes when the pair startle and Liam blushes. Theo simply quirks an eyebrow but says nothing, looking so smug Stiles could vomit. 

When they pause the movie to go on a brownie run Theo offers to go with the other twenty-four year old, especially when Stiles makes a joke about how the men take care of the boys, and the look of total adoration on Liam’s face when Theo stands up and grins conspirationally has Stiles rolling his eyes so hard he thinks he might have pulled an optic nerve. 

‘So you and Liam huh? How’s that going?’ Stiles asks as they begin to walk to the bakery two blocks down. 

‘It’s going,’ Theo replies casually. The sheen of his eyes is anything but casual and when Stiles prods a little the man grins shyly, totally out of character. It makes Stiles double take. 

‘You know he’s crazy over you.’ 

Theo barks out a laugh and says easily, ‘let me guess, you’re gonna tell me to be careful now.’ He affects a mocking falsetto and flutters his wrists around in imitation. ‘Don’t break his heart Theo, stay away from him, he’s just a kid. Right?’ 

‘Actually I was gonna say congratulations,’ Stiles shrugs, and this time it’s Theo’s turn to double take. He just stands there in the doorway of the bakery and stares and only follows when Stiles looks back and gestures impatiently. 

‘Congratulations?’ Theo repeats venomously. ‘What, is that some kind of joke?’

‘Walnut espresso or rocky road?’ 

‘What?’

The gangly brunette gestures in that exuberant, boneless way he has and looks over at Theo from the brownie display for some kind of opinion. He’s thinking a mix of rocky road and walnut espresso. They have cherry too but Liam doesn’t like fruit in dessert and he doesn’t know the others well enough to make that call so he figures he’ll play it safe. He could ask Theo but he knows there is literally no point because Theo is just going to eat whatever Liam chooses in a nauseatingly cutesy kind of way and if they’re really lucky the pair will kiss and nuzzle in between mouthfuls and sure Stiles isn’t jealous at all, he’s happy for them and even happier still that the love of his life is currently studying her strawberry blonde butt off a million miles away at Harvard. Nope. Not jealous at all. 

‘You a rocky road or a cherry kinda guy?’ 

‘Stiles what do you mean congratulations.’ 

‘Cherry’s contentious, I’ll give you that, but I don’t know, sometimes it just hits the -‘

‘Stiles.’ 

The tone of Theo’s voice leaves no more room for gaiety and side manoeuvres so Stiles sighs and puts his hands in his khaki pockets and shrugs. ‘Jeez, I don’t know. He seems happy. You seem happy. Congratulations on being happy I guess. That’s all I meant.’ 

Theo’s gaze is narrowed and his mouth is set, making Stiles shift uncomfortably. He dips forward to grab a paper bag and takes up the metal tongs, snapping them with relish a couple of times before using them to shove brownies haphazardly into the sack. He takes a bite out of one before putting it in the bag, reminds himself to root around for it before he gives the bag over to Mason and the others. When he looks over at Theo the blue-grey eyed man is still watching him with suspicion.

‘Congratulations on being happy,’ he repeats slowly. Stiles shrugs and begins to lead the way to the counter, fully intending to make Theo pay because the guy drives a freaking Jag for petes sake and Stiles is still duct taping his jeep so fair is fair. 

When they get to the self service counter Stiles can’t really help himself. It just falls out of his mouth, this thing that’s been playing on his mind for a little too long to ignore it now. ‘Theo you’re keeping him out of your shit, right?’ 

‘There it is,’ Theo mutters in sarcastic triumph. 

‘Look it’s not my business,’ Stiles says placatingly, putting a palm up, ‘except it is cause Liam is like a kid brother to me and my family is like his family...so like, your shit is your shit and I get it, but dude. Just. Keep him out of it, okay?’ With a flourish Stiles finishes selecting from the screen which brownies and how many are in the bag, then moves aside once he’s selected the payment option, hoping Theo just takes the hint. He does and Stiles feels a little bad and a lot relieved. He looks around the store as he waits for the machine to accept Theo’s contactless payment, then turns back questioningly when he hears his companion begin to talk. 

‘Liam doesn’t know a thing about my business. I make sure it stays that way.’ There’s a pause as he flips his wallet shut and stuffs it into his back pocket. ‘So don’t worry about it.’ 

There’s a beat. Then, 

‘Who’s worried?’ Stiles asks with a sudden grin. 

 

‘So...you were nice today,’ Liam says shyly, crossing the room to where Theo is stood smirking at him. He takes the hand the man is holding out to him and allows himself to be pulled into a soft kiss. 

‘I’m always nice,’ comes the murmured reply. Liam smiles against wonderfully pink lips and nods a little in agreement. 

‘I meant you were nice to more than just me,’ he clarifies. 

Theo chuckles and it shoots straight down into Liam’s cock, so he winds his arms around powerful shoulders and lines kisses against his lover’s jaw. ‘Do I get a reward for that?’ Theo asks, and the way he says it makes “reward” sound a lot like “blow job”. 

‘Maybe.’ The teenager tilts his face a little to brush their mouths together, licking the very edge of Theo’s lower lip. Then he licks up the lip to where it meets the upper and licks that one too, with the tip of his tongue. It makes Theo grunt softly and hold him closer

‘I like it when you’re nice,’ Liam confesses quietly. He puts a hand to Theo’s chest and just takes a moment to feel the heart beating within. It’s the best thing he’s ever felt. Makes him feel safe and whole. 

‘I can be nicer,’ Theo whispers against the boy’s mouth. ‘Want me to show you?’

The sound of that whisper steals the breath from Liam’s lungs and his knees are weak, and it’s like Theo can sense it because he suddenly grabs Liam’s upper thighs and pushes him against the wall so the boy can wrap his legs around his waist and gasp into his lover’s mouth.


	9. I know you noticed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautifuls!
> 
> I feel like Tuesdays have become my unofficial posting days and I’m not sure why. Either way, thank you so very much for all your comments and views and kudos. I love them and you in probably equal measure ;)

Liam rubs his eyes. He is flat out exhausted. Lecture at 10am, study group over lunch, second lecture at 3pm, and then he spent the entire evening at the library. His muscles are sore from hunching over notebook after notebook, writing out notes to incorporate into the essay on sunk costs that he has finally finished typing up. He plans to proof read it tomorrow before submitting because he cannot bear the topic any longer. Besides, he wants the weekend free. He has no official plans but he’s thinking that he’ll broach the subject of doing something with Theo when he calls tonight. If he calls tonight. He’s been calling and coming over so regularly nowadays but Liam is not stupid - he knows it could all go at any second and he’s not about to count his chicks. Except there are approximately eight chicks and maybe they could go see that new Stephen King movie and make out in the back row? Admittedly Liam would like to actually watch it —he’s been dying to see it all month and counting down till its release, but he figures having his face on Theo’s face is better. Much better. 

A small smile flickers across his face at the thought , and he checks his phone. Shit, it’s 10:30pm. He needs to get to bed in the next hour if he wants to catch Theo’s nightly phone call. He glances around his whereabouts, figuring a shortcut his best bet. The only real shortcut from where is leads through an alley way that is not normally known for trouble, in daylight or otherwise. He turns off his music just to be safe though, but leaves his earphones in as he stuffs his hands into his pocket and makes his way towards the alley. 

As he turns he sees two people talking in low voices, something furtive in their tones. One of them reaches out a hand and the other shakes it briefly before glancing around. His eyes collide with Liam’s. 

It’s Theo. 

Liam simply stands there for a few moments, unsure of what he is seeing. Theo is not cheating. You don’t cheat with a handshake. It’s some kind of business transaction. It’s an accident that Liam has seen but his heart is in his throat because Theo has always taken such pains to keep Liam away from his business. And now Liam has just stumbled upon it. 

The second man, face obscured by his hood, senses Liam’s presence and turns to look at him. The streetlights are poor in this part of town and Liam cannot make out a single feature. 

‘You know this kid?’ The hooded man asks, tilting his head in Liam’s direction.

The heart in Liam’s throat stops beating and just waits. 

‘Nah man,’ the love of Liam’s life says easily with a cursory glance in his direction. ‘Just some high school kid. Listen, it’s done, I’ll get my guys on it and there won’t be a problem.’ 

Gut tight in his core, breath stopped, Liam begins to back away. His nerves are fried and he can barely order his feet as he goes but he doesn’t want Theo and his hooded friend to look his way again. It’s all he can do not to break into a sprint. 

He knows the only reason why Theo denied knowing him is the same reason why he doesn’t keep pictures of Liam and why he doesn’t spend too long on the phone or say I love you just before they hang up. He’s protecting Liam from whatever it is that he’s wrapped up in, all those things he has to “take care of”. And at the core of it all is the fact that by not telling Liam a single thing about how he spends his days and how he affords his apartment and his Jag, he is taking care of Liam best of all. But it still hurts. There is still a tiny spark of pain and embarrassment because the irrational part of Liam’s brain just wants Theo to be proud about being Liam’s, the way Liam is proud of being Theo’s. 

 

Theo does not call that night. 

 

 

The next morning Liam drags himself out of bed and contemplates as stoically as he can what he wants to do with his weekend. A Saturday night once filled with romance and promise now stretches before him, lonely and bleak. He considers talking to Mason but he can’t stomach the reproachful looks he’s bound to get. He could ask Brett and Jiang to come to the movies with him tonight. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. Maybe he can tell them about what happened and Jiang will take pity and buy him popcorn or something. 

Entire body heavy, Liam tramps downstairs and drinks some water, grabbing his gym kit from where it is drying in the kitchen. He throws it on right there with no regard as to who could walk in and see, and shoves on his sneakers, ready to run. 

The doorbell goes. 

He sighs but not too hard. He’s heading that way anyway. 

When he opens the door his mouth falls open. 

It’s Theo. His eyes are narrowed, mouth tight with fury. 

‘What the hell were you doing round Gleak street last night,’ he demands, tone brutal. 

Liam’s heart stutters in his chest in tandem with the words leaving his mouth as he tries to explain being at the library, not meaning to see whatever it was he saw, being sorry - without knowing exactly what for. 

Theo comes towards him, making him step backwards into the house. Liam has always known Theo is pure muscle - it’s one of the things he has always adored about him - but now it makes him nervous. Theo’s hands go on Liams shoulders, clasping him so tightly it’s almost painful and Liam is frozen, eyes wide. His mind is going crazy racing because Theo would never hurt him...would he?

But Liam is nervous because now Theo has one hand around the joining of his neck and chest and the hold is loose, more a gentle cupping, but Theo is so strong, it could easily tighten and he wouldn’t kill Liam but the knowledge that he could hurt him like that would kill Liam anyway. Liam cannot breathe for a million reasons that are nothing to do with the hand near his throat. 

But then the hand around his throat slides to the back of his neck and Theo’s free arm goes around his waist and he is pulled into a tight hug, Theo’s lips at his ear. 

‘Promise you won’t hang around there any more,’ he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Liam’s neck. 

The teenager’s eyes flutter shut in relief and comfort, and his arms go around Theo’s narrow waist, palms just stroking the warm muscle beneath the man’s shirt. His heart has dropped so fast and so far he almost feels like vomiting. He is light headed, near collapse. 

Theo would never hurt him. He should have known. 

‘I’m serious baby, promise me.’ 

Liam nods, savouring the sound of Theo’s affection. It is better than any symphony.


	10. Here we go again

Liam is about to turn twenty years old. It’s been a long time coming - about nineteen years in the making, you could say. He’s excited. It’s not like he’s been counting down the days or anything but there’s been a gradual increase in the buzzing inside him as the days have whittled down to now - the morning of his birthday. 

This morning he comes downstairs and finds a banner that reads ‘HAP Y BIRTHDA’ hanging from the kitchen bleachers. They’ve had that banner since they were fifteen and it’s a running joke between Liam, Mason and Corey that they just reuse it every year for each of them. It’ll be a sad day when they eventually have to replace it, but Liam can’t think about that now. Right now he pads over, barefoot and clad in mismatched pyjamas, to the coffee maker and the card sitting beside whose messy envelope scrawl belies its benefactor. 

Liam sips his coffee slowly, shoulders hunched in contentment as friendship and love and familiarity wrap around them like a worn old blanket. When he looks at his life at the grand old age of twenty, he’s not doing so bad. In fact, he’d hazard to say he’s doing pretty damn fine. He doesn’t bite his nails anymore (two months and counting!), he’s doing pretty well at school, his friends are the best people Earth has to offer, his mom and stepdad took him to dinner last night and presented him with a cheque for $200, and he just happens to be in a relationship with the most beautiful man he has ever laid eyes on. Tonight is his party, hosted at Jiang’s grandparents’ house, and he has a new outfit for the occasion. He’s going to start getting dressed and sipping on the Grey Goose Mason bought him when he gets back from his 3pm lecture and as he stands there thinking about what a spectacular time he’s going to have, his thoughts drift to Theo . 

 

He wonders what Theo will wear to the party. Whatever he puts on will be gorgeous - it always is - but Liam likes him best when he’s in those ripped black jeans that showcase the firm flesh of his thighs. Last time he wore them he paired it with a green t shirt that had Liam hard at hello. The memory of it hardens him now and he chuckles at himself. A birthday jerk would probably have been pathetic this time last year, but this year he knows its just a placeholder, and its to the idea of a man he had between his legs not three nights ago.   
Man. He still can’t believe how beautifully it’s going with Theo. Lately they’ve been almost inseparable. Theo calls every night and they talk for at least twenty minutes, Theo’s voice slow and quiet and its obvious he’s in bed. Liam adores the idea of talking to Theo in bed. It’s so sexy, so intimate. It’s being in bed with him without being in his bed. And Theo promised to be at the party tonight. Liam just mentioned it and Theo volunteered himself, didn’t even need to be cajoled or begged. There’s no need to double check that Theo will be on his best behaviour either, because since the night Stiles came over Theo has been perfect. They’ve hung out with Mason and Corey a bunch of times and Theo has been gracious and engaged, even laughing a little at their jokes and skits. Liam cannot wait to show him off tonight. Finally everyone will see exactly what he sees. His soulmate. 

With a happy little sigh Liam puts his coffee cup in the sink, grabs up Mason’s unicorn birthday card, and bounds up the stairs to check his phone for any birthday messages.

 

*

 

‘Happy birthday my little womb nugget!’ 

Liam laughs delightedly down the phone and plops down on a chair outside a cafe. He is on his way back from his lecture and his mother’s voice is like honey in his ear. 

‘Thanks, birther,’ he grins. 

‘How’s your day been?’ She asks, and Liam slips his bag off of his shoulder and onto the floor, settling in for a long phone call. He knows that around this time every year she calls and narrates the story of his birth. 

‘Pretty sweet so far,’ he replies. 

‘You looking forward to your party tonight?’

‘Yes! Should be a good time!’

There is warmth and affection in his mother’s laugh, and she lightly warns him of all the things mothers warn their children about when they are teenagers, when they are not teenagers, when they are in between and nowhere near. The cadence of her voice changes when she’s done and Liam knows the story of his birth is coming, so he wiggles in his seat a little and makes himself comfortable. 

As she talks he quickly pulls his phone from his ear and checks his screen for messages. There are two ‘happy birthday, can’t wait to see you later’ type messages from some old high school buddies but nothing from Theo yet.

It’s okay, there’s still time. 

*

 

Liam grins to himself as he goes through his phone, scrolling down his camera roll for the pictures he just took with Mason and Corey. Most of them are idiotic and those are the ones he loves the most. He thinks for a moment about putting one of them as his wallpaper but decides against it for now: he’s bound to have a few good ones of himself with Theo by the end of tonight. He wonders again what Theo will wear tonight, and whether he is packing up whatever he does all day to begin making his way over. They last discussed the party five days ago, planning that Theo will meet Liam at Jiang’s grandmother’s house at around 11pm - three hours after the party starts but better than nothing. It’s only 8pm now. 

Mason drives, lording it over that it is Liam’s birthday so he should have a chauffeur, and Liam cannot help but grin the entire car ride over. They sing in the car loudly and out of tune and it’s the best thing ever, like a cheesy music video. When they roll up to the house there is a small crowd of people waiting outside with a banner and matching beams. It’s everyone Liam loves or likes or knows and the sight of them all fills him up completely. He wades through them, hugging and kissing and smiling and thanking them all for coming, and eventually makes it inside where Jiang is proffering him a beer. He takes it and in exchange gives his friend a one-armed hug.

He has never felt better.

Liam dances and drinks and nibbles at snacks, but he hasn’t eaten properly since around 4:30 this afternoon so the alcohol hits him quickly. He knows to pace himself, drinks a little water in between shots and sits down a lot with an arm around Mason’s shoulders. At one point he holds court over like ten people and it’s kind of an out-of-body experience because he’s sitting there talking and quipping and making them all laugh. It feels like he’s the one everyone wants to talk to, he’s the life of this party and not just because it’s his birthday. When the hell did that happen? When did Liam the loser become this sociable, likeable, funny somebody?   
He knows it has to be down to Theo. Some of Theo’s cool has somehow penetrated him, made him interesting and fun. The thought sets Liam aglow and he checks his phone for a message from Theo. It’s a blank screen but it’s okay, it’s only 10:15. There is still time.

 

 

At 11pm Brett lunges at Liam with a wiggle of his eyebrows and drags him into the kitchen where the lights are out. Something turns inside Liam, a churning feeling. He knows they’re about to sing to him and make him cut a cake but as beautiful as it is, Theo is not here yet and he wants them to wait. He hates the idea of Theo not being here for this moment, missing it because he’s running ten minutes late. He wants Theo to burst though the door and slip through the crowd and stand there with Liam, face aglow with soft candlelight. 

But Liam can’t ask them to wait. It’s not two people standing there smiling at him as he walks over to the counter, it’s twenty, and that’s ten too many to inconvenience. So he swallows it and smiles and forces away every instinct he has to check his phone one last time because he’s so sure Theo has texted to say he’s on his way, he’s at the front door, happy birthday baby

When he reaches the cake he sees Stiles there, grinning manically at him. He grabs the older man in a hug and looks down at the cake. Without having cut into it he knows it’s chocolate with yellow frosting. His favourite. There are twenty candles whispering to him. 

He closes his eyes and wishes. 

 

 

‘Hey,’ Liam says softly, gently putting an arm around Corey’s shoulders as they walk towards the parlour. ‘Have you seen Theo?’

Corey shakes his head and when Liam looks into his eyes he hates the pity there. 

‘Has he text?’ Corey asks.

‘Oh sure,’ Liam lies. He forces a smile onto his face. ‘Said he’s running late, that’s all.’

There is unsureness and suspicion in Corey’s face for a moment but before Liam can say anything else, it’s gone, and the boy is smiling.

‘Come on,’ he says, ‘let’s go do a shot.’

 

Three shots and a cocktail later, Liam is drunk. He’s not buzzed or happily tipsy anymore, he’s that type of drunk where you stare off into space thinking but not really thinking, and all the softness in the world is drowned out by the tears in your heart. The type of drunk when the only name on your lips is the name that hurts to say, and the right song at the wrong moment will break you to pieces. 

He has text Theo twice now, asking where he is because it’s now 1am and if he is coming, he’s two hours late but that’s okay. Two hours late is Better than never and who is he kidding, he would wait three lifetimes for Theo. For the idea of Theo. He has not had a response.   
The silence is crushing. 

Liam reaches for another drink and takes it over to the window where he stands and watches the cars parked outside. Every time a pair of headlights go by his heart picks up and he is a child in hope. And then it’s not Theo and he drinks.   
He hears footsteps behind him before he looks up and sees the reflection beside him in the window pane and even though he knows it can’t be Theo, a tiny spark of hope ignites within.   
‘You okay, bud?’ A familiar voice asks. 

Liam doesn’t nod, doesn’t have the energy to force a smile. He stares out of the window, eyes glassy. 

‘Theo didn’t show,’ Stiles says softly.

‘He still could,’ Liam replies in a monotone, though even he doesn’t believe that at this point. 

‘Has he called?’

A pause. ‘No.’ Liam sighs and there are a few moments in which he doesn’t say anything. When he turns to face Stiles there are tears gleaming in his eyes. ‘Stiles he didn’t even text me to say happy birthday.’

At this, Stiles’ entire body slumps and his brows knit. He extends his hands but Liam ignores them, voice soft and cracked, on the brink of breaking like the rest of him. ‘I don’t understand what’s happening.’

Before the well in his eyes can run over, Stiles grabs him by the shoulders and manoeuvres him quickly and seamlessly into the bathroom, out of sight, and it’s there that Liam begins to cry. 

His shoulders shake, entire body wracked with sobs. Tears stream down his face and drip drip drip without end onto his new navy shirt, the one he bought specially for tonight. He can’t speak, can’t think, can barely breathe. 

‘Liam,’ Stiles mumbles. He runs a hand over his head, drags it down his face. ‘Jeez, Liam, I don’t know what to say. The guy’s a dick, I...’ 

But Liam can’t hear him over the sound of his breaking heart. 

There are thumps on the bathroom door and someone calling out, and Stiles hollers that there’s someone in here. The thumping doesn’t stop so Stiles goes over, poking his head round the door and peevishly asking what the person wants, and doesn’t he know there’s a bathroom upstairs too that he can go jerk off in?

But then whoever it is barges in and Liam is simultaneously numb all over and on the brink of hyperventilating when he sees that it’s Brett. He roughly wipes the tears from his face but he’s too late. The pitying look on Brett’s face says he’s already seen. 

‘Stiles go guard the door,’ Brett instructs, and Stiles hesitates before he goes but he goes all the same. Liam doesn’t need to be told that he has gone to find Mason and Corey. 

‘What’s going on, Li?’ Brett asks softly. Suddenly they are eleven years old and playing lacrosse together on the old green by Brett’s house. 

There are a million things Liam could say. A million lies he could tell to cover up the embarrassment and hurt of what is actually happening here, and the birthday boy steels himself to say one of them.  
Except, what’s the point? He could lie and say that Theo has been in an accident, or that they’ve had a fight, or that he’s running late. But they haven’t had a fight, and honestly he has no way of knowing whether Theo is dead or alive because he has no idea where he is or what he does all day or who his friends are. He doesn’t even know if Theo has any siblings or parents and he should know at least that, right? But he doesn’t, despite the fact that they’ve been dating for a year now. He can’t even say when Theo’s birthday is, or what Theo’s sleeping habits are, because he has never stayed the entire night with Liam. He doesn’t know Theo’s favourite food or colour, whether he likes to read, if Forrest Gump makes him cry. Liam has known for a long time now that what they have is not a traditional romance - there are too many boundaries and ‘do not enter’s for that, but since their first and last argument Liam has been able to forget the fact that he knows nothing about the love of his life except his first and last names, because when Theo is here with him nothing else matters. The sunflower has found his sun. 

But Theo is not here now. 

‘Li?’ Brett tries again.

Silence. Then.

‘He said he’d be here,’ Liam croaks. 

A dam bursts inside him and he begins to cry hysterically, barely noticing as Brett’s arms go round him and press him close. He hears Brett sigh but all he can do is stand there, eyes squeezed shut, arms dangling by his sides, weeping for every time Theo Raeken has ever disappeared. 

‘How could he...? I don’t...He said he loved me,’ Liam whispers helplessly, hurt spilling out in half-formed sentences. ‘He said he’d be here.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Brett says softly. 

At that, Liam pushes him away and looks up at him, eye to eye. 

‘Why does he keep doing this to me?’ 

Brett’s mouth opens and closes but nothing comes out. When he exhales his entire being deflates and he finally whispers, ‘I don’t know.’

There is a knock at the door, two soft raps - Mason’s signature. 

When the brown-skinned boy shimmies into the room he is followed by Stiles, Corey, and Jiang who crowd Liam and block the entrance. Brett steps back, gently clapping Jiang’s shoulder as they stand side by side. 

There is a moment in which Mason and Liam simply look at each other, in which Liam silently begs his best friend not to say it. Just please don’t say i told you so, I’ll die if you do.

‘I thought we were doing okay,’ Liam says hoarsely, and before the words can leave his mouth Mason has surged forward and grabbed him in a death-grip. ‘I don’t understand what’s happening...’

‘I know,’ Mason murmurs, rubbing his best friend’s back. ‘I know.’

There is so much to think and do and say, Liam is surrounded by all his friends and they are his walls, his towers of strength. He has never felt so loved and unloved at the same time, and there is too much inside him to verbalise it. All he can say through his tears is, 

 

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’


	11. You medicate me with your poses

The next day Liam awakes with swollen, sore eyes because he cried himself to sleep. He just lies there with a glassy gaze for a while before going downstairs to face Mason and Corey who sit at the dining table and smile tentatively at him when he takes a seat, head in his hands. His insides feel like they’ve been put through a spin cycle and his head is heavy. Mason slides a cup of coffee over to him and he sips it wordlessly, ignoring the minor burn on his tongue as liquid meets flesh. 

‘You okay man?’ Corey asks gently.

‘Fine,’ Liam mumbles, though they all know he is far from it. Theo is all he can think about. He has been checking his phone constantly, hoping against hope he will find a message apologising or at least asking if he’s okay, providing some kind of explanation. There is nothing. Liam cannot even see the last time Theo was online, doesn’t even know if his messages have been read because Theo’s settings mean those ticks never turn blue. Maybe it’s better this way. Liam cannot torture himself. 

The events of last night are foggy but the general gist is there, along with memories of being barricaded in the bathroom for the last few hours with his friends, the guys forming a shield around him as they moved out to the car and bundled him in still crying. 

Liam is still numb. There are texts waiting for him from Brett and Jiang respectively but he cant bring himself to answer. Stiles has tried calling twice. There’s something in the whole notion of not replying. It’s almost like last night didn’t happen. Almost like Theo has not broken him yet again. 

The twenty year old sits and sips and listens to his friends talk mutedly about things that go over his head. It’s companionable, stops him from freefalling into the well inside him. Theo is all he can think about. He is confused and sad and desperate. He knows Theo has disappeared before and he is scared, just like all the other times, that Theo will never return, only this time...something is different. Liam has always known Theo is not the most stable force in his life, and he has never minded because deep down he thought that when it mattered, of course Theo would be there. There was no question.

Until he wasn’t. He didn’t show up. Could not be bothered to make an appearance at Liam’s birthday party when he promised he would. Left Liam humiliated and confused, in front of all of his friends. 

And still the mantra goes on inside Liam’s head

I don’t understand what’s happening.

Things have been so good lately. They have been so wrapped up in each other, seeing each other every day, talking constantly. Theo has been hanging out at the house regularly - Liam can barely remember the last time he disappeared. And now this. 

Battered and bruised, Liam wonders why. In all this time he never truly thought about why Theo was so secretive, figuring he didn’t care and that he trusted Theo not to cheat or hurt him...except Theo has been hurting him this entire time, and now Liam can’t help but wonder why someone who claims to love him would throw him away like this. Fruitlessly he runs back and forth in his memory, trying to pinpoint all the ways he could have pissed Theo off, the things he’s said or the ways he’s reacted. He has tried so hard to be understanding, to respect Theo’s boundaries, to defend him from all the people who just don’t understand why he’s so unreliable. He wanted so badly to be the perfect partner. Everything Theo needed. 

Liam has failed.

The doorbell rings and Liam gets up to answer it, waving away Mason’s protests. It’s fine, he’s on his way upstairs to wallow anyway, two birds one stone. 

‘Hey, Sunflower.’

A hand goes automatically to his hair to smooth it down as Liam stands there, wide eyed. His chest aches at the sight and he wants to cry but he swallows the painfully large lump forming in his throat and breathes best he can. 

‘Happy belated birthday,’ Theo smiles, handing over a bouquet of sunflowers. 

Liam stares at them before taking them in his hands. They’re beautiful, he’s grateful. They’re useless and too late, he wants to throw them in the trash. 

‘I got caught up last night, I’m sorry,’ comes the offhand apology. It doesn’t sound like he broke his promise on Liam’s birthday. It sounds like he is five minutes late for a Sunday brunch date. 

Liam says nothing. 

‘Was it a good party?’ 

Liam’s gaze skitters, unable to land on anything. He is angry and confused and sad and hurt because was it a good party? Yes it was spectacular until 11pm hit and you weren’t there and i cried in the bathroom in front of everyone. The worst part is that he cried in front of all the people he has been defending Theo to - and there is that anger and hurt again because now they’ve all seen just what Theo does to him, and he cannot defend him anymore. But isn’t it unfair that Liam has always tried to protect Theo and his reputation? That he has always had to?

‘Yeah,’ Liam shrugs. He cannot make eye contact. ‘Do you wanna come in?’

They go up to Liam’s bedroom and he ignores the way Mason watches them, arms folded. He’s pretty sure Mason is beyond tough love at this point, and he is slowly beginning to understand why. 

‘Hey,’ Theo says softly, closing the door behind him once they enter Liam’s room. 

The sweetness in his voice is what makes Liam turn around and when he does he sees Theo’s hand outstretched. He takes it and allows himself to be coaxed into muscular arms that smell like soap and cologne. 

‘You okay?’ Theo asks, tone gentle. 

Liam nods and allows himself to be kissed, but it doesn’t taste the same. 

Theo takes him to dinner at a five-star restaurant. The food tastes like sawdust. They drive back in his Jag and Theo lays him down, makes love to him. Theo comes, doesn’t try to make Liam come. Theo’s phone buzzes as Liam is dozing in his arms, and he is up and dressed in a matter of seconds. When he leaves he kisses Liam and doesn’t look back.

It doesn’t taste the same.


	12. In small doses

Liam and Mason don’t talk much over the next couple of days. They’re not mad at each other, there just isn’t anything to say. Mason is exhausted at watching the same old story unfold every other week. Liam is exhausted from the constant rinse and repeat inside his head. Every thought is the same, he can’t get any relief. He oscillates between confusion and tentative happiness that Theo is texting and calling and seeing him so regularly, and confusion and hurt at the things that are slowly dawning on him as each hour passes. 

His thoughts are not lists. They are flashes of memories. Theo standing at the front door with a bouquet of sunflowers. Theo not replying to Liam’s texts. Liam crying in Jiang’s grandmother’s bathroom. The way Stiles looked at him, the slump of his shoulders. Theo’s text this morning that said he can’t wait to see him later. The way Theo never looks back when he leaves. Every kiss and touch, the last few times they’ve had sex and Theo has not bothered to make Liam come. Theo’s smile. His neck bent over his phone. Arrested and thrown into a cop car. His arms around Liam’s waist. 

Nothing makes sense anymore. 

Liam is at an impasse. 

 

Stiles and Brett invite him for a late lunch so he meets them at one of their favourite burger joints. He orders his usual but when it comes he struggles. Nothing tastes right.   
Their conversation drifts over him like most conversations do these days, and he allows himself to get lost inside his own head. There’s nothing new there, just the same old thoughts going round on a carousel. Theo. His smile. The arrest. The birthday party. Sunflowers. Liam will never be able to look at sunflowers the same now. He hates them.

Stiles nudges him, startling him out of his rumination and Liam smiles slightly, embarrassed. It’s evident from the look they’re both sharing that they know exactly what he’s been thinking about. 

‘You okay man?’ Stiles asks, and Liam nods. It’s unconvincing. ‘You know you can talk to us. About. You know.’

‘Yeah I know.’

Stiles nods, then looks back at Brett but says nothing. When he goes to the bathroom Brett leans forward from his side of the table and says quietly, 

‘Has he been in touch?’

There is a beat. Then Liam nods. ‘Yeah. Actually he’s been pretty great lately. Texting and calling and stuff. I just...I feel like something’s different.’ A half-hearted shrug. 

‘That’s because something is different,’ Brett deadpans. ‘He never missed your birthday before.’

Liam’s mouth is a tight line as he thinks for a moment. It’s almost impossible to order his thoughts, mostly because they’re not coherent sentences. They’re just images and sensations. Just a million different Theos. Regardless, he talks. 

‘I guess. I don’t know, I feel like...I’m seeing all this stuff suddenly. Like the way he just doesn’t answer texts and how he disappears and stuff. Which was fine before but now I’m like...how is he still disappearing and we’ve been together a year? Or like, how do I not know what he does or where he goes and we’ve been together a year?’ Another shrug. ‘But then maybe I’m reading too much into it and I’m asking too much because he’s so amazing and sweet when we’re together, you know? He remembers everything I say and he is so attentive and we go to the best restaurants and he always apologises for disappearing...’

‘Did he give you a reason why he missed your party?’ A single eyebrow is quirked and that impossible arrogance is back on Brett’s features. Sometimes Liam wonders who is more conceited, Brett or Theo, and smiles to himself when he thinks of how similar they are, and how this similarity is what puts them at loggerheads. Smiled. He doesn’t smile when he thinks of Theo any more. 

‘He had some stuff to take care of,’ Liam says, and Brett’s eyes roll like marbles. 

‘I’ll bet.’ 

‘It’s not like that,’ Liam says heatedly. 

‘I didn’t say it was like anything,’ Brett replies coolly, raising his palms in defence. ‘I’m not the one waking up next to him every morning, what do I know.’

‘Actually,’ Liam mumbles, ‘he doesn’t stay the night.’

‘What, ever?’ Brett looks incredulous. 

Liam says nothing but Brett does. 

‘Hold up, Li. Let me get this right...’ the taller boy begins to count on his fingers. ‘He doesn’t come to your party, doesn’t even text you happy birthday, doesn’t text you to say he’s not coming and then shows up the next day with no explanation, expecting everything to be fine. He disappears without warning regularly - again, with no explanation. You don’t know what he does for a living or who his friends are, you’ve never met his family, he got fucking arrested right in front of you, and now he never stays the night?’

‘What are we talking about?’ Stiles says easily, sliding back into his seat beside Liam. 

‘...christ, Liam, I’m running out of fingers.’

‘It’s not the way it sounds,’ Liam mumbles. 

‘What’s not?’ Stiles asks, looking from Liam to Brett. 

‘Then what way is it, Li? I literally ran out of fingers and this is just the stuff I know, I bet I’m not even scratching the surface of what you haven’t told me or what Mason hasn’t seen.’

‘Guys,’ Stiles tries again. 

‘So what, you’re saying I should leave him? Just like that?’

‘Oh.’ 

‘No,’ Brett sighs. ‘I’m not saying leave him - and it wouldn’t be “just like that” after all the shit he’s put you through - I’m just saying...I know what’s going on here. I was in the same position with my ex.’

‘Didn’t you cheat on him with his sister?’ Stiles says dryly, eyeing the boy. 

‘That’s immaterial,’ Brett dismisses. ‘My point is, Liam, I’m not trying to tell you what to do. But from everything I’ve seen and everything you’ve just said, he’s acting like he doesn’t care about you and in my experience, if he’s acting like he doesn’t care, 9 times out of 10, he doesn’t.’ 

With a final shrug, Brett sits back in his chair and grabs his drink, sipping steadily from it. 

 

Liam says nothing. He can’t hear over the heartbeat trapped in his throat.


	13. I think I know that you’re bad for me

It is Sunday. Liam spent the day with Theo just lounging around the house, making love, talking. It’s beautiful. Every time Theo calls him Sunflower it erases every doubt Liam has ever had about their relationship. Makes him think, hey. Maybe we’re okay. 

He is lying in Theo’s arms on top of his bed, dressed to go out because they are supposed to go for dinner in a few minutes. 

‘You know i could do this forever?’ Theo murmurs softly, kissing the corner of Liam’s mouth. 

Something twists inside of Liam and hurts, marring the euphoria he knows he should feel. He wraps his arms around Theo and strokes the nape of the man’s neck. 

‘I could too,’ Liam smiles. He is rewarded with a kiss that he savours, eyes tight shut. He wants to remember this feeling. ‘Hey. What do you think of spending the night tonight?’

Theo’s brow furrows and he pulls away a little, looks at Liam. ‘As in sleeping here tonight? In your bed?’

‘Yeah,’ Liam shrugs. The angle makes it a little awkward but he manages it. ‘I just...we’ve been us a while now and we never actually spend a whole night together and I just thought...’

‘Mm...okay well. I don’t know. Not tonight, definitely — I have some things to take care of.’ There’s a small pause. ‘Yeah I don’t know. Maybe. Not any time in the near future though.’

With that, Theo gets up abruptly and pockets his phone. He grabs up his shoes and socks and starts pulling them on, while Liam lies there, stock still. For once he is not thinking a single thought, and not feeling anything except a vague understanding that something is not quite right about what is happening. What has been happening. And so he sits up, folds his legs.

‘Hey - I - can I talk to you? About something?’ Liam says. The words trip out of his mouth before his brain can register that they are being formed. 

‘Sure,’ Theo smiles amicably. He takes a seat on the edge of the bed and Liam trains his gaze in the corner of the room, where floorboard meets wall. 

He talks without knowing what he is about to say. Nothing hurts. Yet. 

‘I...I just...’ he takes a breath. It spills out. ‘I feel like you don’t want to spend any time with me. Real time. Like we go out and it’s great and we come back here or go to yours but...that’s all we do. We’re not...moving forward.’

‘I don’t know,’ Theo smirks, ‘I’d say we’ve come a long way from fucking in a hallway at some party, wouldn’t you?’

Liam doesn’t look at him. Can’t. He’ll melt if he does. 

‘No, I mean...Theo I don’t even know if you have any siblings, or where you grew up. I don’t know what you do for a living - and I know you told me not to ask but...it’s a thing. Maybe it shouldn’t be but it is.’ Liam hunches his shoulders. He hates bringing all this up but he knows he has to. They’ve gone on too long. ‘You...you disappear a lot. You know? And I never know why, like if it’s something I’ve done wrong or...like you’re punishing me...’

‘It’s not me punishing you,’ Theo says. Liam is oddly calm, he cannot feel his own heartbeat. ‘I told you, i have a lot of shit to take care of. When I disappear, it’s me taking care of shit.’

‘Okay but...don’t you see how that sounds to me? When I don’t know what that shit is? I...I feel like I don’t even know you and I hate it because I’m in love with you...but how can you be in love with someone who won’t let you in?’ 

There is a soft silence, before Liam goes on.

‘If you don’t let me in, i can’t be in love with you. It’s like I’m just in love with the idea of you.’

‘The idea of me,’ Theo repeats. His tone is hard, he is obviously annoyed or offended or both, and Liam understands why. But he cannot help it. After a little while Theo speaks. ‘You’re right, I could have let you in more...it’s not okay that you feel like it’s one-sided. But I’ve been trying. I’ve been hanging out here and making an effort with your friends, especially after what happened. I take you out, i call you and text you almost every day. Can you honestly say I’m not trying?’

‘No, i know you are, i just...’ Liam mumbles. His gaze is fixed on the floor, then on his twisting fingers. He takes a breath and tries again. ‘Theo I’m not saying all this because I want to break up.’ He takes Theo’s hand in his and watches Theo kiss its palm. ‘Maybe we could change things a little. I don’t know, you could open up and include me more in your life, and I could...’

‘Come on, Liam,’ Theo smiles. ‘You know round two never changes anything. Same shit, different day.’

Liam nods slowly. Even as he said the words he knew there would be no way of working this out but hearing Theo say it cuts him to the quick. He has always been so sure that Theo would fight for him, for their relationship, and now here they are. Everything they had litters the floor around them. Liam’s soul is amongst the debris. He wants to say more, try more, do more, but when he thinks about starting up again from the beginning, maybe being friends, he realises that he doesn’t even know how to talk to Theo anymore. He’s afraid everything he says will be childish or too demanding. It dawns on him that this is nothing new. It’s just become unbearable. The difficulty of being with Theo has started to outweigh the difficulty of not being with him. 

Liam is weak. He has poured himself out too many times. As he sits there, breathing, blinking, he knows there is nothing for it. Theo does not want him. They are at an end. He never meant for this to be the end. 

 

All this time he has been eerily calm and now his heartbeat is roaring full-force in his ears. There is an all too well known prickle in his nose and eyes and his throat is closing, breath skittering in his chest. The tears come. 

‘I wish things were different. I wish they hadn’t got this way,’ Liam whispers. The house is so still he can hear the tears hitting the fabric of his t shirt in quick succession, like rain. Theo doesn’t hold him. ‘I...I love you, Theo.’

There is a pause but Liam isn’t waiting for Theo to say i love you too. He knows he won’t. Knows he doesn’t. 

‘You should go,’ the boy says eventually. Every minute Theo stays is another delaying the inevitable. 

Before Theo shrugs on his jacket and leaves, he turns to Liam with a small smile. There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. No regret playing about his mouth. He looks just the same as he did that night, sat atop a washing machine, watching a boy in a Slipknot t shirt. 

There is a hug, a kiss.

‘Take care of yourself, Liam Dunbar.’ And then he is gone.

And Liam Dunbar breaks for the very last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes things don’t work out. Things don’t make sense. Sometimes the love you give is not the love you receive.   
> Sometimes people hurt you and you never find out why, and it doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you try. Love is callous like that sometimes.


End file.
